"[being held in Canada] Boomer! You traitor! You Benedict Arnold! You took off and you left me here in the hands of those Canadians! I'm gonna tear you till and I'll rip out every bone in your body! Boomer, you hear me?!"

"If you say "please" one more time, I'm gonna let you have it!"

"Alan Alda as the unnamed President of the United States"

"John Candy as Bud B. Boomer, the sheriff of Niagara County"

"Bill Nunn as Kabral Jabar"

"Kevin J. O'Connor as Roy Boy"

"Rhea Perlman as Honey"

"Kevin Pollak as Stuart "Stu" Smiley"

"G. D. Spradlin as R.J. Hacker"

"Rip Torn as General Dick Panzer, the Commander of USSOCOM"

"Steven Wright as a Niagara Falls Mountie"

"Jim Belushi as Charles Jackal"

"Brad Sullivan as Gus"

"Wallace Shawn as Clark MacDonald, the Prime Minister of Canada"

"Stanley Anderson as Edwin S. Simon"

"Ben Hamper and Michael Moore as two redneck guys"

"Beth Amos as Ruthie"

"Sheila Gray as the voice of the Hacker Hellstrom"

"Dan Aykroyd as an OPP officer (uncredited)"

"James Carville as a Pentagon agent for Central Intelligence (uncredited)"

"Ed Sahely as a Mountie (uncredited)"

"Gordon Michael Woolvett as a Male Candy Striper (uncredited)"

"You're gonna love him."

"[repeated line] 6:07."

"I guess I'll go down to Bolivia all by myself."

"Matt Damon as Rory"

"Casey Affleck as Cobby Murphy"

"Hong Chau as Dr. Donna Rivera"

"Paul Walter Hauser as Booch"

"There's a time to think, and a time to act. And this, gentlemen, is no time to think."

"I'll tell ya another thing: their beer sucks!"

"If life hands you a lemon, you gotta crush it into lemonade."

"What about Jurassic Park? Two black guys died in that movie. That's a twofer!"

"Edmund Donovan as Eddie"

"Nick Offerman as President"

"I've never been so scared in my entire life. And I've never felt more alive."

"Just be sure to get the words out before the piano wire gets too tight."