"At one time, it was great what we had... the kidding around. It can't have a natural time span. Affairs can't dissolve in a good way. There's always got to be poison. I don't see why, I really don't see why!"

"Alright, where the fuck is my shoehorn? This place is a mess! There's not any food in the house, half the time you look like you fell out of bed! You spend more time in bed than any other human being past the age of 6 months than I ever heard of!"

"Candice Bergen - Susan"

"You want a job? I got a job for you. Fix up this pigsty! You get a pretty goddammed good salary for testing out this bed all day! You want an extra fifty dollars a week, try vacuuming! You want an extra hundred, make this goddammed bed! Try opening some goddammed windows! That's why you can't stand up in here, the goddammed place smells like a coffin!"

"Ann-Margret - Bobbie"

"Why don't you leave me?... For God's sake, I'd almost marry you if you'd leave me."

"Jack Nicholson - Jonathan"

"Rita Moreno - Louise"

"Women today are better-hung than the men."

"Is this an ultimatum? Answer me, you ball-busting, castrating, son of a cunt bitch! Is this an ultimatum or not?"

"Art Garfunkel - Sandy"

"Carol Kane - Jennifer"

"Allison Janney - Miss Walsh"

"Rob Reiner - Izzy Rosenblatt"

"Robert Klein - Norman Asher"

"Rebecca Walker - March Cunningham"

"Caroline Aaron - Lucille Kaufman"

"Mykelti Williamson - Dewayne Smith"

"Gia Carides - Cashmere McLeod"

"Chelcie Ross - Charlie Martin"

"Charlie Rose - himself"

"Tony Shalhoub - Eddie Reyes"

"Stacy Edwards - Jennifer Rogers"

"[about Jack Stanton] He's poked his pecker in some sorry trash bins."

"Diane Ladd - Mamma Stanton"

"Kevin Cooney - Senator Lawrence Harris"

"[holding a gun to a political adversary's crotch] I am a gay lesbian woman — I do not mythologize the male sexual organ. I know you did it. It wasn't enough sticking with the crap Jack actually did — you had to get creative! Well, mister, you're about to become missus!"

"Tommy Hollis - William "Fat Willie" McCollister"

"Ben L. Jones - Arlen Sporken"

"J. C. Quinn - Uncle Charlie"

"Robert Easton - Dr. Beauregard"

"Paul Guilfoyle - Howard Ferguson"

"Geraldo Rivera - himself"

"John Vargas - Lorenzo Delgado"

"How Much Spin Does It Take To Win?"

"He was born to run."

"John Travolta - Gov./President Jack Stanton"

"Comes The Story Of A Man Of The People And The People Who Made In The Man"

"The only shot we have here is to be perfect."

"Billy Bob Thornton - Richard Jemmons"

"You just called me a redneck, which I'm proud to say I am, and you, Hodgkiss, are a honky! You just look black, and it's the best part of ya! Lets you intimidate the palefaces, especially lib-labs, and lets ya work that voodoo sexual shit on white girls. Well, I'm probably blacker than you are. I got some slave in me. I can feel it."

"Larry Hagman - Governor Fred Picker"

"The media giveth, and go fuck yourself"

"Maura Tierney - Daisy Green"

"Kathy Bates - Libby Holden"

"Larry King - himself"

"From now on you can call me the Dust Buster — I'm stronger than dirt!"

"I'm gonna do something really outrageous: I'm gonna tell the truth."

"We can do incredible things. We can change this country. I'm gonna win this thing. Look me in the eye, Henry, and tell me that you don't want to be a part of it."

"[speaking at Libby's funeral] Most of us here grew up with Libby Holden. She was our friend. She was our big sister. She bullied us, went after us, and worst of all, she remembered everything about us. All those young promises made, everything we wanted to be, everything we wanted the world to be — she remembered them all in the original wording. She wrote me a note before she died. [fighting tears as he reads it] "I am so fucking disappointed in you. Shape up!" I am so sorry that I disappointed her, and I am so sorry that I can't stand before her and promise to do better. She lent us all her warmth, her idealism, her madness. She had the most amazing heart."