"1972. My family needed some help, my town needed a hero, and my band needed a break. So I borrowed Mom's pink Cadillac and I kidnapped Elvis Presley, and our lives were never the same again."

"You're kissing the same ass you used to kick."

"Son, you're talking to Elvis Presley! Do I look like a dating service?"

"Angela Goethals - Pam Wolfe"

"Charlie Schlatter - Johnny Wolfe"

"George Newbern - Dan Lynch, a college student"

"Clark Johnson - Black Gang Leader"

"Lolita Davidovich - Sue Ann"

"Albert Collins - himself; a player in a Chicago Blues club"

"Vincent D'Onofrio - Dawson"

"Ron Canada - Graydon, Bleak's second in command"

"John Davis Chandler - Bleak"

"Elisabeth Shue - Chris Parker"

"Maia Brewton - Sara Anderson"

"Keith Coogan - Brad Anderson"

"Anthony Rapp - Daryl Coopersmith"

"Penelope Ann Miller - Brenda"

"Bradley Whitford - Mike Todwell"

"Calvin Levels - Joe Gipp"

"John Ford Noonan - "Handsome" John Pruitt"

"Maureen O'Hara as Rose Muldoon"

"Anthony Quinn as Nick Acropolis"

"Jim Belushi as Salvatore "Sal" Buonarte"

"Kevin Dunn as Patrick Muldoon"

"Macaulay Culkin as Billy Muldoon"

"Kieran Culkin as Patrick Muldoon, Jr."

"Milo O'Shea as Doyle"

"[repeated line] Sometimes it's good to be a cop."

"John Candy as Daniel "Danny" Muldoon"

"Ally Sheedy as Theresa Luna"

"Quinn Smith - Frank Charney"

"I have a friend who is very special to me. He's sweet and exceptionally intelligent, but, well - he's not really a - I mean, a relationship between us would be impossible. It would never, could never, work out."

"I like you. I even understand you some of the time. But I'm not about to invest my emotions in a machine."

"What's right for most people in most situations isn't right for everyone in every situation! Real morality lies in following one's own heart."

"[called out by Rupert over being grumpy at work] Every day it's [salutes] 'Yes Rupert Sir', 'No Rupert Sir', 'Can I get you another beverage Rupert Sir?!' And it CHAPS MY ASS!!! So here's a helpful hint for you: SHUT UP AND LET ME DO MY WORK!! [casually dislodges boxes] I'm done!"

"[singing lines from The Wizard of Oz] When a man's an empty kettle,/he should be on his mettle/and yet, I'm torn apart./Just because, I'm presumin'/that I could be kind-of-human/if I only had a heart…"

"Robin Williams - Andrew Martin"

"Embeth Davidtz - 'Little Miss' Grace Martin / Portia Charney"

"Sam Neill - 'Sir' Ricky Martin"

"Oliver Platt - Rupert Burns"

"Kiersten Warren -Galatea"

"Wendy Crewson - 'Ma'am' Rachael Martin"

"Hallie Kate Eisenberg - Little Miss Grace Martin - Age 7"

"Lindze Letherman - 'Miss' Amanda Martin - Age 9"

"Angela Landis - 'Miss' Amanda Martin"

"John Michael Higgins - Bill Feingold - Martin's Lawyer"

"Bradley Whitford - Lloyd Charney"