"You know, back in my little old town of Riddle, we had a cousin named Harry. We all called him Cousin 'Hurry' because he was always runnin' someplace. Till one day he fell down a flight of steps and broke his fool neck. We put a sign on his grave says: 'He was in such a hurry, he just couldn't wait to get here.'"

"You know, ma'am, whenever a bunch of fellas like us - outcasts, hoboes, nobodies, gentlemen loafers, one-time or all-time losers, call us what you want to. Whenever we get together, we tell our funny stories. Me and Beanie and the rest of these hand-to-mouth tumbleweed boys like you see in here. [singing] If whiskey don't get us, then women must. And it looks like I'm never gonna cease my wandering."

"Andy Griffith - Larry "Lonesome" Rhodes"

"Patricia Neal - Marcia Jeffries"

"Respect? Did you ever hear of anyone buying any product - beer, hair rinse, tissue - because they respect it? You gotta be loved, man. Loved....Politics is people...Senator, I'm a professional. And I have to look at the image on that screen same as I'd look at a performer on my show. And I'll have to say he'll never get over to my audience. Not to the 65 million people who welcome me into their living rooms each week. And if I wouldn't buy him, do you realize what that means? If I wouldn't buy him, the people of this country aren't ready to buy him for that big job on Pennsylvania Avenue."

"[about the writers] Here you see the lepers of the great television industry. Men without faces. Why, they even slide our paychecks under the door so they can pretend we're not here."

"Howard Smith - J.B. Jeffries"

"Percy Waram - Gen. Haynesworth"

"[about TV] You gotta be a saint to stand off the power that little box can give you."

"They love his voice, they love his guitar, they love his ideas... they should know some of his ideas."

"Walter Matthau - Mel "Boing Boing Boing" Miller"

"Alexander Kirkland - Jim Collier"

"Anthony Franciosa - Joey DePalma"

"Marshall Neilan - Senator Worthington "Curly" Fuller"

"Rod Brasfield - Beanie"

"Didn't you know? All mild men are vicious. They hate themselves for being mild, and they hate the windy extroverts whose violence seems to have a strange attraction for nice girls. You should know better."

"[to Marcia, as they leave Pickett for Memphis] Boy, am I glad to shake that dump. [pause] I was only kiddin', honey. You ought to know me better than to believe everything I say. Ha! [to the crowd] Bye! Bye! Good-bye and God bless you, good people!"

"Cara Williams - Nurse"

"Kay Medford - First Mrs. Rhodes"

"Ain't nothin' in this world you can't do when you let the best side of you take over."

"[about Lonesome Rhodes] I'll say one thing for him, he's got the courage of his ignorance."

"Ain't Mama a beauty? Oh, a guitar beats a woman every time! You know, I never have seen a woman I could trust like this old guitar. I love my Mama guitar. She's always there waitin' for me to pick her up and hold her. Never asks me for money or goes cheatin' around when I ain't lookin'. And if she gets a little sour, why, I just give her a little twist like so, and we're right back in tune together."

"John Witherspoon - Mr. Jackson"

"Eartha Kitt - Lady Eloise"

"Geoffrey Holder - Nelson"

"Grace Jones - Helen Strangé"

"John Canada Terrell - Todd"

"Kenny Blank - Kenny"

"Martin Lawrence - Tyler Hawkins"

"David Alan Grier - Gerard Jackson"

"Bebe Drake - Mrs. Jackson"

"Chris Rock - Bony T"

"Halle Berry - Angela Lewis"

"Lela Rochon - Christie"

"A Player Who's About To Be Played."

"Tisha Campbell-Martin - Yvonne"

"Daryl Mitchell - Street Photographer"

"Mevlin Van Peebles - Editor"

"Eddie Murphy - Marcus Graham"

"Robin Givens - Jacqueline Broyer"

"Leonard Jackson - Lloyd the Chemist"

"Jonathan Hicks - Lady Eloise's Butler"

"My dad? He's always been...like an uncle to me. Yeah, Uncle Dad."

"I think this is the one! '[thinking] I can't believe this it what I'll be wearing the last night I'm a virgin! ...Or should I say, what I'll be taking off?'"

"Diana-Maria Riva as Stella"

"Ana Gasteyer as Sue Cranston"

"Judy Greer as Erin"