William Archibald Spooner

"You will find as you grow older that the weight of rages will press harder and harder upon the employer."

"Her late husband, you know, a very sad death—eaten by missionaries—poor soul!"

"Kinquering Congs their titles take."

"Three cheers for our queer old dean!"

"Is it kisstomary to cuss the bride?"

"The Lord is a shoving leopard."

"A blushing crow."

"A well-boiled icicle."

"You were fighting a liar in the quadrangle."

"Is the bean dizzy?"

"Someone is occupewing my pie. Please sew me to another sheet."

"You have hissed all my mystery lectures. You have tasted a whole worm. Please leave Oxford on the next town drain."

"You have deliberately tasted two worms and you can leave Oxford by the town drain."

"I remember your name perfectly, but I just can't think of your face."