Wesley Willis

"Rock music pays off. Rock music takes me on a joyride. Rock music keeps me off the hell city bus. Rock music will always look out for me. But I will not let my torture profanity demon shoot it down."

"My demons talk to me in profanity. They think I'm a jerk. A bum. And an asshole. I just say they're a jerk, they're a bum, they're an asshole. They're no good. They better leave me alone and get off my case."

"The music I love to play is Rock 'N Roll. I love to rock like a wild animal. I love to rock it well enough to whip a yak's ass. I love to whip it good on a horse's ass. I love to rock it real hard. I love to rock it all the way to Russia. I love to kick out the Jazz and kick it out all the way."

"Here's what I'm going to have to say to all of you. If some of you have demons in your head who talk to you in profanity or whatever, don't let your demon shoot down your rock music, don't let your demon keep you off the joy bus. So like I say, Rock music pays off."

""Rock over London. Rock on Chicago." - Repeated at the end of most songs"

"Once upon a time I fucked a slut in the ass. She was all over my dick. I made her lick my dick off, then I turned around and rammed my big black dick back in her ass. / Say Ronald Reagan, what the fuck are you doing in my house? Get out of here right now, and don't you ever come back over here again! If you come back this way, I will shoulder the weapon and shoot the living shit out of you!"

"Number 1. I'm gonna do this song again. Number 2. I'm gonna do this song again all the way up your ass. Number 3. I'm gonna fuck your ass up like in a car crash. Number 4. I'm gonna fuck you up like a goddamn accident. Number 5. Jesus is the answer!"

"Before I got fat, I was slim / That was this time when I was eating McDonalds."

"From now on, I'm staying away from fatty foods, by eating healthy foods, and going on a strict diet"

""McDonald's is a place to rock / It is a restaurant where they buy food to eat / It is a good place to listen to the music / People flock here to get down to the rock music." - Rock 'N Roll McDonald's"

""McDonald's hamburgers are the worst / They are worse than Burger King's" - Rock 'N Roll McDonald's"

""I am a good person to the max / I am a good guy in Jesus' name." - Wesley Willis"

""I have a mean schizophrenia demon in my head / My demon racks me with profanity / My demon tells me lies and says I'm a jerk, a bum and an asshole / My demon keeps me from joy bus riding by torturing me" - Wesley Willis"

""The vultures were hungry." - The Vultures Ate My Dead Ass Up"

""Suck a polar bear's funky ass!" - Suck a Cheetah's Dick"

""It was Sunday, March 12th, 2000 at 6:20 PM / I was about to fly from Chicago-Midway to Orlando, Florida / Suddenly my mean schizophrenic demon called me a jerk / Suddenly I yelled 'FUCK YOU' on the airplane" - My Keyboard Got Damaged"

""Dale Dunkey shot my house up / He shot it up to get rid of the termites / He then shot at me with his BB gun" - The Termites Ate My House Up"

"Do something about your long filthy hair / It looks like a rat's nest" - Cut the Mullet"

"Take your ass to the barber shop / Tell the barber you're sick of looking like an asshole" - Cut the Mullet"

"Once upon a time, I was cursing at Daniels Chapel AME Zion Church / I called one of the deacons a motherfucker / Reverend Henry E. Miller preached about my vulgar language / He told the congregation in the sanctuary that I got a nasty filthy mouth" - They Threw Me Out of Church"

""My mother smokes that crack like a cigar / She had a good time at it / She jacks my brother for dope money / She does this by threatening him with a Smith and Wesson" - My Mother Smokes Crack Rocks"

""At 11:00 PM, the police came to my mother's house to eject her ... they locked her up for being a loser." - My Mother Smokes Crack Rocks"

""Batman beat the hell out of me and knocked me to the floor / I got back up and knocked him to the floor / He was being such a jack off" - I Whupped Batman's Ass"

""You are nothing but a crazy ass jerk!" - You Fucked That Man's Car Up"

""You think you can get away with murder / You don't know who you're fooling with / I'm going to shoot you with my BB gun" - Fuck With Me and Find Out"

""Fill me full of lead in my ass crack" - Shoot Me in the Ass"

""You are my favorite movie star / You are my big buddy / You are a low-down rotten man / You are crazy like a roll lizard" - Arnold Schwarzenegger"

""I love your movies! I love you, too!" - Arnold Schwarzenegger"

""This beast killed as many as 100,000 people / It's wings can flap like a bird / It can break a glass / It can also stab you in the ass" - The Chicken Cow"

""When the police pulled up, I was doomed / I was arrested for possession of a controlled substance / I was taken to the metal clink / I was nothing but a loser" - I Smoke Weed"

""I smoke my crack pipe everyday / I have a good time at it / I jack my mother for dope money / I do it by threatening her life with a semi-automatic" - I Smoke Weed"

"At 10:00 PM, I drove my bronco back to Birdman's real estate / I jumped over his fence after dark / I picked up a brick and shattered Birdman's window pane / Birdman sighted me doing it and reached for his pistol / Suddenly I jumped back in my bronco and took off like O.J. Simpson" - Birdman Kicked My Ass"

""The bandit wore a werewolf mask" - Attempted Armed Robbery"

""Stop shooting old ladies." - Stop the Violence"

""Destroy civilization, motherfucker!" - Stealth Bomber"

""It's the end of World War I / It's the end of World War II!" - It's the End of the Western"

""Christmas is Jesus Christ's birthday! / That's what it is all about in the mix!" - Merry Christmas"

""Suck a racehorse's bootyhole / Suck a snow leopard's ass / Suck a constipated goat's dick / Suck my doberman pincher's cock" - Suck My Dog's Dick"

""Jim Sym got on my ass for screaming like a wild animal at Genesis on Western / I freaked out a lot of customers / I also said 'suck my dick' in front of a lot of people" - Outburst"

""I used to eat McDonald's hamburgers / I used to eat three Big Macs a night / In 1992, I gained 23 more pounds / Suddenly, I weighed 360 pounds heavier" - I'm Slimming Down"

""After I stole your Sony ESP Car Discman, I went across the street to a gas station / I found me an empty jug and filled it up with gasoline / Suddenly, I ran back to your Lamborghini to set it on fire / I doused your Lamborghini with gasoline and torched it" - I Broke Out Your Windshield"

""You are so great. You are my brother / You are a cold-blooded KILLER! You are a mass murderer!" - Chuckie"

""Spider-Man messed with my girlfriend / Spider-Man wrapped his arms around her with my bedroom door closed / Suddenly, I opened the bedroom door on Spider-Man's sneaky ass / I caught him kissing my girlfriend and beat him to a pulp with a rubber hose" - I Whipped Spider-Man's Ass"

""O.J. Simpson was a no-good jerk / He is a fucking asshole / He had no business killing his ex-wife Nicole, or her friend Ronald Goldman" - O.J. Simpson"

""This man watches the football game / He enjoyed every minute of it / He was watching the Chicago Bears beat the San Francisco 49ers / You damn right!" - NFL Shit"

"Of course, Willis is above criticism -- it's hard to criticize something that is essentially variations on one simple theme, let alone a batch of songs written by a schizophrenic -- but that still doesn't make listening to any of his records any easier."