The Road to El Dorado

"Miguel, if I believed in fate, I wouldn't be playing with loaded dice!"

"Well, it was nice working with you, partner."

"HOLY SHIP!"

"Because the High Priest is NUTS!"

"Depart, mortal, before we strike you with a lightning bolt!"

"I'm trying! I'm trying! I can't think with all these distractions!"

"[rising anger] Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... great... big... ROCK! [Tulio's voice echoes across the misty environment]"

"Miguel, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they're ahead? You don't have one!"

"Uh, I wonder how long it would take Tzekel-Kan to do it."

"All right. Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... one of those longboats... and then, we... row back to Spain like there's no mañana!"

"I'm on the verge of... STOP! [silence, as "STOP!" echoes]"

"And they call us Miguel and Tulio!"

"Tulio, I just want you to know... I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona."

"We'll follow that trail!"

"Even those mountains! You said it yourself, it could be possible! And it is! It really is the map to El Dorado!"

"I have been around boats, believe me, and that, um, the pointy, tall, um, the long up and down thing."

"You know, speaking of kings, the chief and the high priest seem a bit, uh, tense."

"[to Tzekel-Kan] Hey, it was his stupid plan!"

"But, Tulio, this place is amazing."

"Altivo! Hey, Altivo! You want the nice apple? Come and get it! But, you have to do a trick for me first! All you have to do, is find a pry bar. A long piece of iron with a hooky thing at the end."

"The gods are speaking for themselves now! This city, and these people have no need for you anymore! There will be no sacrifices! Not now, not ever! Now get out!"

"Well, I like it! So, how do we get on deck?"

"Oh, then I suppose you'll be wanting these back?"

"I'm not really asking you to trust me, am I?"

"Uh, Chief? The gods have changed their minds about Xibalba. They wish to bask in the glory that has been shown them."

"Tulio! The hip! The hip!"

"Save it for the High Priest, honey, you're gonna need it."

"What is he gonna think when he sees a god with me?"

"You do not want the tribute?"

"Well, as speaker for the gods, it would be my privilege to point them out."

"My Lord, these people will not respect if they do not fear you."

"[first words] Behold! As the prophesies foretold, the time of judgement is now! Citizens, did I not predict that the gods would come to us?"

"As the "gods" command."

"O mighty lords! Come. Let me show you to your temple."

"To commemorate your arrival, I propose a reverent ceremony at dawn."

"But in your perfection, you cannot know how imperfect humans are. They're like snakes, they are, spineless and slippery. They are as untrustworthy as rats, stealing and cheating, with no remorse. Spinning webs of lies, like spiders!"

"[last words] Wait! NO, WAIT! WAIT!"

"Now everyone will know the truth of your divinity."

"Finally, we're connecting."

"My lords, why now do you choose to visit us?"

"You know, Lord Miguel, if you wish to stay, you only need to say so."

"STOP! [the natives stop; a gold plate rolls toward the cliff and Tulio stops it with his foot] They wish to bask! Take the tribute to the gods' temple!"

"Oh, we expected you to be staying with us for the next thousand years."

"Big smile. Like you mean it. A-one, two, three."

"Ah, then perhaps I could prepare a glorious feast for you tonight."

"Today, we sail to conquer the new world, for Spain, for glory, for gold!"

"[to Tzekel-Kan] You lying heathen. There's nothing here at all."

"[Miguel and Tulio have been brought to Cortes, having been discovered hiding on his ship] My crew was chosen as carefully as the Disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged. And when we put in to Cuba to resupply, *God willing*, you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig!"

"There is no El Dorado here. Onward, men."

"It better be there, for your sake."