Spike Milligan

"For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string."

"Are you going to come along quietly, or am I going to have to use ear plugs?"

"Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion."

"Policemen are numbered in case they get lost."

"A lot of learning can be a little thing."

"I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine."

"If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it."

"On the Ning Nang NongWhen the cows go bong!"

"God made night But Man made darkness."

"Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite."