"So there was actually one place on American soil with free, universal healthcare. [cut to aerial picture of Guantanamo Bay, Cuba] That's all I needed to know."

"[to a British couple in hospital] So how much did you have to pay for the baby?"

"They think in terms of "we", not "me"."

"If this is what can happen between supposed enemies, if one enemy can hold out his hand and offer to heal, then what else is possible? That's when I heard that the man who runs the biggest anti-Michael Moore website was going to have to shut it down. He could no longer afford to keep it up because his wife was ill and he couldn't afford to pay for her health insurance. He was faced with a choice of either keep attacking me or pay for his wife's health. Fortunately, he chose his wife. But something seemed wrong about being forced into such a decision. Why, in a free country, shouldn't he be able to have health insurance and exercise his First Amendment right to run me into the ground? So I wrote him a check for the 12,000 dollars he needed to keep his wife insured and in treatment, and sent it to him anonymously. His wife got better and his website is still going strong."

"In the meantime, I'm going to get the government to do my laundry."

"We got issue in America. Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their... their love with women all across the country."

"This might hurt a little."

"What seems to be the problem?"

"Get well soon."

"For many Americans, laughter isn't the best medicine - it's the only medicine."