Return to Zork

"This used to be called the Valley of the Sparrows. It's had a name change recently."

"I sense we're near the lighthouse. Ask that old fool how the Road to the South is."

"That old bore! Did you hear the joke about the appetite of the boar in the Forest of the..."

"What year is it? Oh, yeah! The Great Diffusion was 1247. That was 400 years ago. My birthday's coming up soon."

"Oh no, not a test."

"That guy's so drunk, even his plants are potted."

"Their eysight isn't that good, but..."

"Uh-oh. We're near Canuck's house. I've known Canuck for a long time. I'll see you later."

"That's not the way I remember it. Rooper had to turn him into a duck in self-defence. Canuk's Whacko... now he's Quacko! Ha-ha-ha!"

"Ah, the sweepstakes winner! I've been looking forward to... no! No! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllpppp!"

"Ah, the master strategist. You'll have to teach me the finer points of Survivor."

"It's a good thing you knew the password. It's not safe out there."

"What's your problem, take it easy, will you? Everybody's on edge around here. Be calm. I'm calm. See how calm I am? I'm calm! (pause) I've been having dreams. Those dreams. Horrible dreams. Morphius. It keeps saying."

"The Road to the South is impassable. Absolutely... impossible to pass! Impassable."

""Thanks. I don't smoke." *coughs*"

"What was that?"

"No, not more double negatives pal."

"Don't you know how to do anything else? Maybe you could use a little de-caff."

"AAAAAHHHHHooooooooooooooooooooooohhh...."

"Phew! Hey, come back when you don't smell so bad! Ugh! Gas mask!"

"Hmmm? I don't know how you did it, but you managed to get back here without the one thing I desperately need."

"We seem to be working at cross purposes. I must relieve you of all your belongings ...until you learn."

"I... beg your pardon? But you are a guest in our town! ACT LIKE IT!"

"That's better. You've already got one foot in your mouth."

"Have you been drinking with Boos Miller?"

"I'll call the sheriff! I will. I'll lock you in a cell with a grue. STOP IT!"

"I think that is highly inappropriate behaviour. I am a loyal public servant, if you don't think so. I suggest you express your opinion on election day!"

"How many Implementors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? That's a hardware problem!"

"Ugh, would you mind standing a little... further back?"

"Aha-aaagh!"

"Whoa, you scared me. Stay back."

"Stay back! What do you want?"

"Yeah, but what's it to you?"

"Why do you want to know about me?"

"Do I scare you because I'm dirty and alone?"

"No! Don't hurt me with that!"

"I escaped from the Cliffs of Depression."

"My father gave that to me before I escaped. He said it was good luck. I want you to have it."

"Oh, you've got a bonding plant! My father had one of those, but when he went to the cliffs, it wilted and he couldn't leave."

"Oh, it's you again. Stay back, okay?"

"Who are you? ...Don't matter."

"Want some rye? Course you do!"

"I'm too...drive to drunk!"

"What did you do that for? We were having a fun time!"

"You keep that."

"WHA?!! Was that you?"

"Nothing I can't do for yer..."

"The name's Moodock. Moadikum Moodock."

"You're not as dumb as you look."

"Hey! I sense movement. I've been talking a long time! I need a new battery! Can you hear me!? A new battery!"