Least I Could Do

"Rayne: It has nothing to do with you. It's me...I don't like you!"

"Mick: The girl by the bar thinks you're cute."

"Rayne: You guys remember when I used to say that if I ever got sent to prison I'd find the biggest, meanest inmate I could and submit myself to him for protection? Meet Wayne."

"Rayne: It started so well, that late winter's night"

"Rayne: You spoke with your friends, and their words were not kind"

"Rayne: You know how they say that when a woman is pregnant, she's glowing and beautiful?"

"Rayne: I want an anime type hairstyle. I think it'd score points with Cyndi's parents."

"John: I'm in a schoolgirl outfit being ridden by a donkey."

"Rayne: I'm a bounty hunter."

"Issa: It's kind of like a ferret makes your decisions for you."

"Rayne: Vodka and CNN: A winning combination."

"John: Is "sadlypathetic" a word?"

"Rayne: Nothing much, was just ravaged from behind by a gay doctor."

"Rayne: Since you've been dating Beth, you're a tool. And not even one of those useful ones. You're like a hammer. A hammer without the hammery part. You're a stick."

"Rayne: Somewhere out there, there's a mother balloon mourning the death of her baby."

"Rayne: She's not shy about, so everyone can see"

"Psych Ward Woman: Where are you going?"

"Rayne: You finish that sentence and after I kill you, I'll do the 25 years to life with a smile on my face and no regrets."

"Rayne: Best friends come and go, but sex...sex is forever."

"Rayne: Ladies you might think, that men don't care"

"Mick: His Holiness would like an extra tiny steak with his dinner."

"Rayne: All I'm saying is that if there is such a thing as "immaculate conception," then by reasoning, there must be a way to have "immaculate sex.""

"John: Naw, I'm done with Lucas. I have no urge to sit through three hours of Anakin turn into Darth Vader because he misses his mommy."

"Rayne: My penis is all dressed up with nowhere to go."

"Eric: Excuse me, is this the residence of Rayne Summers, 'no' M.D.?"

"Marcy: Wow. You're twice the size of Trump."

"John: Are you going to tell her how you recycled the recycling bin because you couldn't resist the irony?"

"Noel: I'm going to go on the record and say that any substance abuse problem that creates women like that is okay by me."

"Harry: If you were ever curious about the protection your mattress pad really gives, let me assure you it took three of my homeless friends several minutes of soiling to get through it."

"Little Vader: You're more of a girl than Luke, and he was all like, "No Dad, I don't want to rule the galaxy like father and son because I'm Yoda's bitch." That's really what he said by the way. In those words."

"Rayne: There are thing people are ready for, and some things they are not"

"Rayne: The Cone of Caring, or COC for short, refers to the immediate area of space directly surrounding me. This area is the one and only I concern myself with. Anything outside of it, I don't care. It's like it doesn't exist."

"Noel: He would've sold his roommate into slavery to do the thing you traded your friend for."

"Noel: Hey, can you even drive stick?"

"Issa: Gross and stupid. You've got it all."

"Rayne: I have never, ever been happier to be humped at high velocity by a large man. Well, maybe once, but prison changes a man. You know how it is. Of course you do."

"Rayne: You know the expression, "When in doubt, whip it out"?"

"Rayne: You know the old expression: "When life gives you a T-Rex, go ninja kick it in the head.""

"Rayne: If there's one thing I know, it's everything."

"Rayne: I'm gonna tell Jesus on you."

"Rayne: If this entire office was a ship, and I was a pirate, you'd all be pillaged by now."

"Noel: Thank you, Roofie Colada!"

"John: Did you just use urethra in a sentence?"

"Rayne: Webcomics suck."

"Mick: I don't know if I should rent a porno or get a calculator."

"Rayne: You'll be singing a different tune when you wake up to the sweet smell of turkey jerky."

"Child Rayne: I pledge allegiance to the flag of Narnia, and to the monarchy for which it stands: one kingdom under Aslan, indivisible, with hot chocolate and Turkish Delight for all. May the White Witch tremble in fear of our might!"

"Mick: You use two hands to masturbate?"