Hercules (1997 film)

"[to Zeus] But, Father, I've defeated every single monster I've come up against. I-I'm...I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. I'm...I'm an action figure!"

"A true hero. Great! Uh, exactly how do you become a true hero?"

"Wow. What a day. First that restaurant by the bay...And then that, that play, that, that, that Oedipus thing? Man! I thought I had problems."

"[after Meg is revived] People always do crazy things... when they are in love."

"Well, you know how men are. They think 'No' means 'Yes' and 'Get lost' means 'Take me, I'm yours.'"

"Thanks, Herc. It's been a real slice."

"[rushing into Thebes, crying out] Please. Help! Please! There's been a terrible accident!"

"[Hercules walks to the Cyclops] What are you doing? Without your strength you'll be killed."

"People always do crazy things... when they're in love."

"You're really choked up about this, aren't you?"

"[to Hades] Then read my lips. Forget it."

"How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat. Huh? Is this an audience or a mosaic?"

"Love to, babe. But unlike you gods lounging about up here, I, regrettably, have a full-time gig that you, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus."

"Memo to me, memo to me: maim you after my meeting."

"I’m about to rearrange the cosmos and the one SCHLEMIEL who can louse it up is waltzing around IN THE WOODS!"

"Let’s get ready to RUMBLE!"

"My favorite part of the game: Sudden death."

"Game. Set. Match."

"I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I’ve been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, and you are wearing HIS... MERCHANDISE?!"

"He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey. They bet on the wrong horse. Okay?"

"Meg, Meg Meg. My sweet, deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but-ever-so-crucial, little, tiny detail? I OWN YOU!"

"We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. What d’ya say? Come on."

"Ba-boom! Name's Hades, Lord of the Dead. Hi, how ya doin'?"

"Guys, get your titanic rears in gear and KICK some Olympian BUTT! [Pegasus blows out his flaming hair] Whoa, is my hair out?"

"Uh, guys. Olympus would be that way."

"Zeusy, I'm home!"

"[repeated scream] GAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!"

"Thanks a ton, Wonderboy! But at least I've got one swell consolation prize, a friend of yours who's dying to see me."

"This is... This is impossible! You, you, you can't be alive! You'd have to be a, a... (Pain and Panic: A god?) Hercules, stop! You can’t do this to me! You can’t- [Hercules punches Hades] Fine. Okay. Listen. Ha! Okay. Well, I deserved that. Herc, Herc, Herc. Can we talk? You're dad; he's the fun guy, right? So maybe you could put in a word with him, and he'd kinda... blow this whole thing off, you know? Meg. Meg, talk to him. Have a little smoochze, and... [Hercules punches him into the river of death] GAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!! [souls go to grab him] Get away from me! Don't touch me! Get your slimy souls off me! Ooh, ah— (Panic: He's not gonna be happy when he gets outta there!; Pain: You mean, if he gets outta there!) Taxi! TAXI! (Panic: If. If is good.) I don't feel so good. I—I'm feeling a little... FLUSHED!"

"[last lines, as the film closes] What do you say? It's happy ending time. Everybody's got a little taste of something but me. I've got nothing. I'm here with nothing. Anybody listening?! It's like I'm- what am I? An echo or something? Hello! Hello! Am I talking to what, hyperspace? Hello, it's me! Nobody listens."

"I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. A lot of "yusses". And every single one of those bums let me down flatter than a discus. None of them could go the distance. [Looking at a statue of a soldier in armor] And then there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all; the build, the foot-speed. He could jab! He could take a hit! He could keep on comin'! [pause] BUT THAT FURSLUGGINER HEEL OF HIS! He barely gets nicked there once and kaboom. He's history. Yeah, I had a dream once. I dreamed I would train the greatest hero there ever was. So great the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars for everyone to see. And everyone would say, "That's Phil's boy." That's right...Ah, but dreams are for rookies. A guy can only take so much disappointment."

"One town, a million troubles. The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere."

"[after being called a goat-man] Watch it, pal."

"You... I got your heel RIGHT HERE! [tackles Tall Thebian with his head, throws punches] I'll wipe that stupid grin off your face! You- [bites Tall Thebian's butt]"

"[as Hercules fights the Hydra, whose heads multiply as they are cut off] WILL YOU FORGET THE HEAD-SLICING THING?!?!"

"[after Hercules defeats the Hydra] YA DID IT, KID! YA DID IT, YOU WON BY A LANDSLIDE!"

"[about Meg] SHE'S A FRAUD! She's been playing you for a sap!"

"No, no, no, no, no, kid, giving up is for rookies. I came back because I'm not quitting on ya. I'm willing to go the distance. How about you?"

"You ought to slow down, you'll work yourself to death. HA! Work yourself to death!"

"Hey, you wanted answers, and by thunder, you're old enough to know the truth."

"Hercules, if you can prove yourself a true hero on Earth, your godhood will be restored."

"I'm afraid being famous is not the same as being a true hero."

"SOUND THE ALARM! LAUNCH AN IMMEDIATE COUNTERATTACK! GO, GO!"

"For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart. Now, at last, my son, you can come home."

"A Comedy of Epic Proportions"

"Happy IV of July!"

"Zero to Hero!"

"Who puts the GLAD in GLADIATOR?"

"You can run but you can't Hydra!"

"Tate Donovan — Hercules"