"Bottomless breadsticks only keep you at the Olive Garden for so long, until at some point you look up and say 'Why the hell am I at the Olive Garden with all these fat people?'"

"Do not poop where you eat, remember? That's why they're no restaurants called 'The Bathroom'."

"Look at that, huh? We're all here thinking inside the box, and you're outside of it, playing a little game of 'What If.' Gorgeous and brilliant, the triple threat."

"Humans are the only species that can lie, except for maybe chameleons. Oh, and possums, they play dead."

"We're doing a lot of talking during the routine. I'm new but, this seems like a lot of talking during the routine."

"So not only do I find out yesterday I'm adopted, the people I've been calling 'mom' and 'dad' are actually infertile impostors who bought me outside of a meth clinic in Cincinnati for two boxes of Sudafed, but I also get this news dropped on me: my birth father, Bruce, he needs a kidney and I'm the only match! And apparently Bruce needs it stat. Mhm, you need it stat, Bruce? Huh? Well maybe I needed a father stat, instead of this stay-at-home-dad who showers me with love every day of my life this goddamn spermless liar! So now I gotta be at Kaiser Permanente tomorrow at 6:00 am. I know, Bruce couldn't even afford a real hospital. Managed care. It's ironic, huh? He never managed to care for me."

"Kiss kiss, bang bang, bye bye. Cheer Camp. We are leaving, we are leaving. We are leaving."

"(repeated line) Name, gimme a name."

"Shut up! I'm too straight to be gay!"

"I could have one in my mouth and two in each hands and still win the straight award !"

"Why can't I crack this? Dammit!"

"I'm Brewster. (whispers)Not my real name. My parents named me Jack. 'Jack' - so strong, so masculine. We get it! You wanted a boy! Ma name's Jack! I punch bad guys and I kiss girls."

"That was for the Crocs. You're not an old lady gardening or a baby on the beach. Okay? Now put on some shoes, you're embarrassing yourself."

"Paint the fence. Cutting the cake. Hangman's noose. Hangman's noose!"

"I tell ya what, your jobs aren't just going over there, sailor. Some of us are coming over here. The world is flat like a son of a bitch."

"Red leather, yellow leather,red leather, yellow leather;Unique New York,unique New York; Barack Barack Barack Obama."

"You can piss on my face, just don't tell me it's raining."

"2 Guys. 300 Girls. You Do the Math."

"Get Fired Up this Spring"

"Nicolas D'agosto as Shawn Colfax"

"Eric Christian Olsen as Nick Brady"

"Sarah Roemer - Carly Davidson"

"David Walton - Dr. Rick"

"AnnaLynne McCord - Gwyneth"

"Juliette Goglia - Poppy Colfax"

"Molly Sims - Diora"

"John Michael Higgins as Coach Keith"

"Danneel Harris - Bianca"

"Margo Harshman - Sylvia"

"Hayley Marie Norman - Angela"

"Adhir Kalyan - Jack"

"Philip Baker Hill as Coach Byrnes"

"Eddie McClurg - Mrs. Klingerhoff"

"Jack Sandvig - Downey"

"Collins Pennie - Adam"

"Nicole Tubiola - Marcy"

"Smith Cho - Beth"

"Masi Oka - Eagle Mascot"

"Michael Blaiklock - Mookie"

"Alan Ritchson - Bruce"

"Shoshana Bush - Girl"

"Kate Lang Johnson - Jennifer"

"Jill Latiano - Haley"

"Amber Stevens - Sara"

"Francia Raisa - Marly"