David Mellor

"The press – the popular press – is drinking in the Last Chance Saloon."

"The tabloids are like animals, with their own behavioural patterns. There’s no point in complaining about them, any more than complaining that lions might eat you."

"Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick-skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge."

"And I'd like to say this to [Sir James Goldsmith] ... who has got nothing to be smug about, and I would like to say that 1,500 votes is a derisory total. We have shown tonight that the Referendum Party is dead in the water, and Sir James can get off back to Mexico knowing your attempt to buy the British political system has failed."

"There is no design involved. It would look tawdry down the wrong end of a beach in Torremolinos. This isn't a case of just not wanting it in my backyard. This area is historically significant with listed buildings and it's next to the Tower of London, which is a world heritage site."

"The Minister for Fun."

"Since the great days of Jimmy Greaves, it's the only time anyone's managed to score five times in a Chelsea shirt."

"This is the first time in ages that David Mellor has done the decent thing."