Creature Comforts

"Fly in Web: I hate spiders, and... um, I hate spiders, and... oh, um, spiders and... yeah, spiders."

"Catherine the Bat: No, no."

"Muriel the Bat: Hmm..."

"Fluffy the Hamster: I think everybody, when they look in the mirror, has got their "mirror face," and you can see them do it. They look one way, and then they look in the mirror, and they change their face before they look in the mirror, to see the face that they want to see in the mirror. And I do that as well. And then occasionally, I catch myself in the mirror before I've put the "mirror face" on, and... it's generally an unpleasant experience."

"Behzad the Horse: Drunk people! I hate them! They behave like a gang of wild animals - well, not animals. They're loud, they shout, birds fly off. They're singing hip-hop song that doesn't make sense to anybody. And they're wearing these white trainers and walking like orangutans normally, yeah? The hands is all forward, they're bent, and they go, like, [makes beatbox noises]"

"Derek the Shar Pei: I have a few bad habits. I tend to scratch a lot, and, um, I also... annoying to me... I tend to pass wind a lot when I'm in public. But that doesn't really worry me, cause you've got to pass wind, or you might blow up."

"Maggot: Err, as I say, I think we're being used by people, um, our tolerance is being used by people for their own ends. [as fisherman picks him up] I was most annoyed with the, [clears throat] the election of the last Labour Party, they weren't really bothered about..."

"Behzad the Horse: The best thing you can do is leave traces of poo in the way. Because they're actually not looking at all on the ground, they're looking at the girls around them. They step on it, they walk with it, then starting to smell. So they blame each other, and they're looking at the sole of the shoe, then that's it, they've been hit by us. [chuckles] You show them you can be dangerous, but in a smelly way."

"Brazilian Lion: If you try to compare the situations and the environment that we live in here with the environment that we live in Brazil, there is a big difference. Here, you live in a very small place with all the technological advances possible. You have, uh... everything sorted out, double glazing, you know, your heating and everything in Brazil, but you don't have the space! In Brazil you have the space, although you don't have all this technological, you know, double glazing and things like that, you know, but you have the space and uh... we need space to live, we need space to feel that we are part of the world and not a kind of a piece of object in a box."

"Mama Polar Bear: I think they... they'd like it in the wild if they were in the wild, but I think it's much better to be in... um... bars, because, like I said, they get fed, whereas some animals, they go for days without food!"

"Tortoise: Yeah, well it's reasonably comfortable, I suppose. There's space, but it's, um, erm... I mean, I've been in more comfortable rooms, yes."

"Alex the Chicken: Because animals that live in the circus have to, um, get on boxes and balls, but animals in the zoo, they don't have to do anything. They can do their own things like drinking and eating."

"Brazilian Lion: I miss somewhat of the food. I miss the fresh meat. You know, because in Brazil, we are predominately carnivores. We are not, you know, vegetarians, and um, we don’t like potatoes, we like meat, and we like fresh meat."

"Papa Polar Bear: My favourite food is, I'm afraid to say, steak. I, uh... I go a long way to go and get a nice steak."

"Armadillo: Oh, it's very, very good. Very good. Very comfortable, you know, and we're well-looked after in a nice position."

"Tarsier: I feel very secure. I'm well looked after, very well looked after, and I... I'm not worried about anything. I know whatever happens, they'll look after me and put me where I hope to be."

"Frank the Tortoise: It's easily controllable and it needs easily controllable as well because I don't have much time and I'm a busy person. So I have to have everything just as I need it. Well, they should be fairly modern in design and it has to be easily turn off and on-able."

"Tortoise: I try to spend as little time in here as possible, but I can't actually get out and about. I use to escape into books and things."

"Baby Hippo: Well, um, most of the cages are a bit small, and either grotty and everything, but the truth is, uh, there are big pools to play around, and there's lots of them there. They looked really happy."

"Fluffy the Hamster: I haven't got any circus skills at all. I can't juggle, I can't throw the knife at the lady, I can't tame the lion, and I can't crack the whip or... or jump into a small bucket. Can't do any of those things."

"Toto the Performing Monkey: I'm not sure whether it does excite me anymore, or if it's just the money."

"Muzulu the Performing Monkey: It does me, the thing that excites me about performing really is the fact that you're doing some good, you're making people laugh."

"Toto the Performing Monkey: Except the ones that walk off."

"Muzulu the Performing Monkey: Except the ones that walk off."

"Lou the Elephant: You've got to communicate with the audience, but not to look at them, because you are apart from them, and it would break the illusion."

"Joan the White Horse: I normally try and interact with an audience, but with 800, it becomes really difficult, but I actually think I managed, and that's an amazing feeling to just see that you're making an impact."

"Matilda the Cow: I had to stand on one leg and blow a raspberry. [blows a raspberry] Go arse over... whatsit in front of 250 people. And I bonked my head, I thought I was a goner, and I heard them as I hit the floor go, 'ohhh!' like that. And it was weird, 'cause I like took off. I just like flew! And I was just so embarrassed, I was like, 'no, I'm fine, I'm fine, just get back on, just get back on, just get back on, I'm fine, I'm fine'."

"Mr. Tickles the Seal: You need to warm all those areas up. Your body, and then moving on to your voice, and I start to hum. Then there's opening your voice and going 'aaa ooo aaa ooo aaa ooo'."

"Pickles the Dog: Erm, no, what I enjoy about the clowns I think they're very talented actually, because, erm, when clowns get together at the circus, they can do things that are very funny, like they can throw custard pies at each other and things, in a very funny way to make a lot of people laugh, and you have to be very talented to be able do that, you have to be an entertainer."

"Ronald the Black Horse: [discussing clowns and slapstick] If it's badly done, it can be very sad."

"Brazilian Lion: Where I would like to live and to spend most of my life? In a hot country! You know, in a hot country, that I have the good weather, and that I have space, that I have trees. You know? That I don’t have only grass with pollen that gives me hay fever every day. I need a space with blue skies without that I can see the sun every day, alright? That I have the nice weather, that I can just have nice water, you know, to dive, to swim in. It means a tropical country, not in an island, a cold one. It's easy. Any part of the world, but hot - name it, and I go."

"Louise the Budgerigar: Doctors have always scared me because when I was born, I nearly died. I had a 50-50 per cent chance of living when I was born, and I was in a little incubator, and my eyes were all covered over, and I was yellow. Which was awful."

"Tracey the Gorilla: I'd like to go somewhere a bit hotter. I don't like getting rained on, and I don't like getting cold, and I find that here I often get rained on and I'm often cold."

"Tracey the Gorilla: Well, sometimes, you can't-you can't get out and about just as much as you would like to. You're stuck in for some reason, like I'm stuck in today. And, um, then yes, you get bored, and you get fed up with looking at the same four walls."

"Miss Dynamite the Pig: I am scared of heights a bit. I think I could get over it though."

"Percy the Piranha: I rarely go to the doctor. Last time I went, he thought I'd died because I hadn't been for such a long time."

"Chappie the Horse: Uh, I've took a lot of tablets all me life. Uh, about 23,000, and I'm still alive. But at the end of the day, I think without them, I'd have been dead. [coughs]"

"Fluffy the Hamster: I once had my head slammed in a door, that was good. I was saying goodbye to my friend, and somebody slammed the door on my head, and it was my birthday, and I had to have five stitches in my head, so I've got them as well."

"Toby the Scottish Persian Cat: I remember having a severe cold which didn't shift, and I shared a flat with a couple of vet students who dosed me on Famel syrup, the main active ingredient of which I believe is creosote. So I spent several days smelling like a fence post, but it did the job!"

"Clement the Bloodhound: Now, you see, I've had a lot of things wrong with me. There was big problems with my eyes at one stage. I went in about my eyes a lot of times, and had to go and see specialists. But, you see, what they do is they clamp your head in a... big... clamp, and then, they want to bounce things on your eyeballs."

"Alvin the Dancing Bear: I've fallen for a nurse, yeah. I fell for a nurse once, blond, beautiful lady, quite nice she was, yes, used to travel to Birmingham to see her on the old motorbike."

"Percy the Piranha: That big black mask. You can see it coming towards your face, and the smell of the rubber... Having all my bottom teeth filled without anesthetic... Dentists. Just... brutal. Really brutal."

"Ivana the Lioness: On my face, my legs, my stomach, my arms, wrists, hands, everywhere. There is no one part on my body that does not have a scar."

"Fluffy the Hamster: I don't think I've got any other scars. Not physical ones, mental ones, obviously I've got a lot of them, but you can't see them cause they're inside my brain."

"Martin the Pig: I was injured badly once, somebody kicked me in... the forehead. Being very young, I got up and carried on, and didn't think... it had done me much damage. For all I know, some of that damage may still be there. May still affect some of the things I do, and some of the things I say."

"Toto the Performing Monkey: I've broken all my toes, got a dodgy knee, I've busted both my ankles and bent my feet back round so they're next to my shins, broken my hand and my wrist, my collarbones three times, bashed my head, knackered my back... and it's all been worth it!"

"Percy the Piranha: I think it's great. I love smiling, I love being happy and jovial, telling jokes, being the butt end of jokes, but, hey, now, I can do it with a mouth full of teeth, and I'm really looking forward to it."

"Elizabeth the Battery Hen: Come on, I'm watching you. Half an hour's gone, and you 'aven't done nothing."

"Stella the Battery Hen: Teamwork. That's one thing about it I like. I wouldn't like to work on my own. There used to be more..."

"Mr. Tickles the Seal: Every time I went on, I could just feel the people laughing at me, it was fantastic! That gives me such a buzz. Such a hell of a buzz."