Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

"[Interrupting Darren and Steve as they fight] That's enough, boys."

"[Introducing himself at the show] Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I am so excited to be here in an anonymous small town that used to have character but is now just a bland suburb filled with chain stores and surrounded by slum. [Awkward silence in the audience] It really is a pleasure to be here. And I am SO honoured that bla bla bla and so on and so forth and excetera adnosium."

"Now boys, vampires don't exist, but if one did, and he thought someone knew, he might smother them in their sleep."

"[After Darren enters his room and turns on the light] Nice room. Some excellent reading material you have here. Thought this was on the internet now."

"Meet Darren. He's sixteen going on immortal."

"John C. Reilly - Larten Crepsley"

"Chris Massoglia - Darren Shan"

"Josh Hutcherson - Steve "Leopard" Leonard"

"Salma Hayek - Madame Truska"

"Jessica Carlson - Rebecca (Monkey Girl)"

"Ray Stevenson - Murlough"

"Patrick Fugit - Evra Von"

"Willem Dafoe - Gavner Purl"

"Michael Cerveris - Desmond Tiny (Mr. Destiny)"

"Jane Krakowski - Corma Limbs"

"Kristen Schaal - Gertha Teeth"

"Frank Franson - Rhamus Twobellies"

"Jonathan Nosan - Hans Hands"

"Tom Woodruff, Jr. - The Wolfman"

"Wayne Douglas Morgan - Merman"

"Blake Nelson Boyd - Mr. Afraid of the Ground Man"

"Sam Medina and Gino Galento - Madame Truska's men"

"Michael Dean Baker - Mr. Piercing"

"Natasha Angelety - Cirque freak"

"Nokomis Callender - Cirque freak"

"Rose Lamarche - Cirque freak"

"Stefanie Oxmann McGaha - Cirque freak"

"J. J. Standing III - Cirque "Heavy""

"Ken Watanabe - Mr. Tall"