Cassandra Clare

"What?" Simon looked alarmed. "I'm not really sleeping with your mom, you know. I was just trying to get your attention. Not that your mom isn't a very attractive woman, for her age."

"It's a girl," Jace said, recovering his composure. "Surely you've seen girls before, Alec. Your sister Isabelle is one."

"Hi, I'm one of the knife-carrying hooligans you met last night in Pandemonium? I'm afraid I made a bad impression and was hoping you'd give me a chance to make it up to- " "SIMON!" Clary held the phone away from her ear as he cracked up laughing. "That is so not funny!"

"Jesus!" Luke exclaimed. "Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling."

"I'll get the coffee if you find us a seat. What do you want?" "Just coffee. Black – like my soul."

"Do you want to tell me what this is about, or should I just call the police?" "And tell them what?" Jace said witheringly. "That invisible people are bothering you? Trust me, little girl, the police aren't going to arrest someone they can't see."

"Is there anything I could get for you?" he asked. "Something to drink? Some tea?" "I don't want tea," said Clary, with a muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them." "Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing."

"Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie."

"You guessed? You must have been pretty sure, considering you could have killed me." "I was ninety percent sure." "I see," Clary said. There must have been something in her voice, because he turned to look at her. Her hand cracked across his face, a slap that rocked him back on his heels. He put his hand to his cheek, more in surprise than pain. "What the hell was that for?" "The other ten percent."

"I figured all your classes were stuff like Slaughter 101 and Beheading for Beginners."

"Well there goes my plan for selling them on eBay," Clary muttered. "Selling them on what?" Clary smiled blandly at him. "A mythical place of great magical power."

"If you were half as funny as you thought you were, my boy, you'd be twice as funny as you are."

"I've never asked, but I'm sure he has a fairly stringent policy about random teenagers lurking in his shrubbery."

"Yeah, well, you clearly also couldn't be bothered to call me and tell me you were shacking up with some dyed-blond wanna-be goth you probably met at Pandemonium. After I spent the past three days wondering if you were dead." "I was not shacking up," Clary said, glad of the darkness as the blood rushed to her face. "And my hair is naturally blond," said Jace. "Just for the record."

"He's probably never met a six-foot-tall hot elf-woman in a fur bikini, either,"

"I thought it'd be something cooler, like a van with 'Death to Demons' painted on the outside, or . . ."

"He cut his glance toward Jace, who was walking a few paces ahead of them, apparently conversing with the cat. Clary wondered what they were talking about. Politics? Opera? The high price of tuna?"

"Hodge sent me to wake you up. Actually, he offered to wake you up himself, but since it's five a.m., I figured you'd be less cranky if you had something nice to look at."

"Oh-Simon!" "No, I'm Jace," said Jace patiently. "Simon is the weaselly little one with the bad haircut and dismal fashion sense."

"I always thought cab drivers didn't pay attention to traffic, but this is ridiculous,"

"I suppose you don't have much time for enjoying music," Clary said, thinking of Simon, for whom music was his entire life, "in your line of work." He shrugged. "Maybe the occasional wailing chorus of the damned."

"If you wanted me to rip my clothes off, you should have asked."

"Don't order any of the faerie food," said Jace, looking at her over the top of his menu. "It tends to make humans a little crazy. One minute you're munching a faerie plum, the next minute you're running naked down Madison Avenue with antlers on your head. Not," he added hastily, "that this has ever happened to me."

"Good idea," said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein."

"I didn't," said Jace. "At least, I didn't finish it. It's Magnus Bane." He grinned at Alec mockingly. "Rhymes with 'overcareful pain in the ass.'"

"A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance novel covers? The-"

"To love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be destroyed."

"Well, I'd certainly hate to interrupt your pleasant night stroll with my sudden death."

"If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood,"

"Where's Simon?" Clary interrupted. Isabelle wobbled. "He's a rat," she said darkly. "Did he do something to you?" Alec was full of brotherly concern. "Did he touch you? If he tried anything-" "No, Alec," Isabelle said irritably. "Not like that. He's a rat"

"When the self-congratulatory part of the evening is over, maybe we could get back to saving my best friend from being exsanguinated to death?"

"Vials of holy water, blessed knives, steel and silver blades, electrum wire-- not much use at the moment, but it's always good to have a spare--silver bullets, charm of protection, crucifixes, stars of David-" "Jesus," said Clary. "I doubt he'd fit."

"There might be a God, Clary, and there might not, but I don't think it matters. Either way, we're on our own."

"This is bad," said Jace. "You said that before." "It seemed worth repeating."

"I thought you guys said only some of the vampire bikes could fly?" "Only some of them can!" "How did you know this was one of them?" "I didn't!"

"Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you'd get dressed up in a nurse's outfit and give me a sponge bath?" "Actually, I think you misheard," Clary said. "It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath." Jace looked involuntarily over at Simon, who smiled at him widely. "As soon as I'm back on my feet, handsome." "I knew we should have left you a rat."

"Much like postal service, demon hunters never sleep. 'Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these-'" "You'd be in major trouble if gloom of night did stay you."

"A picnic? It's a little late for Central Park, don't you think? It's full of-" He waved a hand. "Faeries. I know." "I was going to say muggers," said Clary. "Though I pity the mugger who goes after you."

"She was afraid you'd freak out? Start seeing demons in the White House?"

"Well, when I was five, I wanted my mother to let me go around and around inside the dryer with the clothes," Clary said. "The difference is, she didn't let me." "Probably because going around and around inside a dryer can be fatal," Jace pointed out, "whereas pasta is rarely fatal. Unless Isabelle makes it."

"Maybe. Although I doubt most Shadowhunters get a tattoo of Donatello from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on their left shoulder."

"In future, Clarissa," he said, "it might be wise to mention that you already have a man in your bed, to avoid such tedious situations."

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you kissed me," he said. "I kissed you?" "Don't worry, it wasn't that memorable for me, either."

"You really want to know what else it was my mom said about you?" he asked. She shook her head. He didn't seem to notice. "She said you'd break my heart."

"Well you'll have to wait 'til tomorrow. I'm out of commission." He pointed at himself. "Look. Jammies."

"Don't tell me," he said. "You've got a drawing emergency. You need a nude model. Well, I'm not in the mood. You could ask Hodge."

"Jace was still staring at her as if she'd told him she'd found out one of the Silent Brothers doing nude cartwheels in the hallway."

"I can't wait 'til you draw something really complicated, like the Brooklyn Bridge or a lobster. You'll probably send me a singing telegram."

"Only Jace could look cool in pajama bottoms and an old T-shirt, but he pulled it off, probably through sheer force of will."

"Meanwhile," Simon added, "I wanted to tell you that lately I've been cross-dressing. Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. I thought you should know."