Addison Mizner

"Where there's a will, there's a law suit."

"Many are called, but few get up."

"The wages of gin is breath."

"Be held truthful that your lies may count."

"Misery loves company but company does not reciprocate."

"People who love in glass houses should pull down the blinds."

"...Louis Fourteenth Street furniture..."

"...teeth set out by a landscape gardener..."

"Two ideas in his head at once would constitute an unlawful assembly."

"A cow couldn't find its calf in this room."

"He has no manners—he just has customs."

"...talking as though the Standard Oil Company was the smallest thing he owned."

"The son-of-a-bitch would shoot me just to make book on which way I'd fall!"