Adam Carolla

"The constant ingestion of fear about shit that will never happen is ruining our society."

"Once you become a famous famous celebrity, like me, and people start writing about you in the press, you'll notice just how incompetent reporters are. [...] Everyone should have a reporter follow them around and interview them for an article in the newspaper. Then sit back and watch how much stuff is inaccurate."

"RoboCop had less technology on him than your average cop does today. And there are guys jousting at medieval times wearing less armor. But the more we focus on them being racist, the less we focus on them turning into the Terminator. I see a lot of fat cops out there. Much like my idea that for every $100 spent over a $1000 baseline, the bride must be able to fit into her wedding dress for one year. I think all cops should be issued one, and only one, vest on the first day after graduating the academy."

"How about we stop with the stories about how it's open season on black people for racist white cops and talk about the real thing killing young black men? Other young black men. No? Well, that would be part of an honest dialog that everyone is always asking for but runs from when some intellectually honest person, like myself, brings up the crisis of fatherhood in the black community. You know who certainly won't do that? The so-called community leaders."

"I have a simple policy: If the combined age of the two people feuding is over 100, they should move on."