Achewood

"Ray: Because I pay attention. I PAY ATTENTION. You didn't know I was paying attention because you weren't PAYING ATTENTION."

"Beef: Disneyland was wall to wall five-hundred-pound mongoloids with leg tattoos and kids named Desteny"

"Beef: Hm maybe get some medical insurance"

"Cornelius: When we do make the beast with two backaches, our onomatopoeia is less "ooh" and "aah" than "crack" and "help.""

"Ramses: Now, I don't ever want to see you again unless it's in a coffin"

"Welshman: IF I AM A PILGRIM TO GOMORRAH, THEN I AM A PILGRIM TO GOMORRAH, BUT JUDGE ME NOT 'TIL YE ALSO HAVE SURRENDERED TO THE BLADE OF ECSTASY THAT IS THE NACHO CHIP!"

"Pregnant women should not handle broken tablets of Zyrelax."

"Llewellyn Ash knows that You are capable of Wonderful Things."

"Roast Beef's hang-up is actually a fantasy for many men"

"Patronize your local fast food cart"

"Smoking Mr. Gary's pole is so beautiful."

"750 dudes with Tron pillows go Oh, No Wonder."

"It is pretty hard to tell a nine-year old child that they are dead. It is pretty sad."

"Beef: OH I AM YOUR MOM AND I JUST TOOK YOU TO SCHOOL IN THE CAR OF PAIN"

"Teodor: He'd murder dead things if science would let him."

"Ray: Oh god oh shit oh no! Fuck man, why they got to do a thing?"

"Ray: I have Airwolf. I'm just seein' if there's anything I can do to help my guys."

"Little Nephew: You're going to send me to get my ass kicked by a guy who trained himself to be a Marine by jumping off his roof onto a trampoline, aren't you?"

"Ray: Jesus Christ, already! I'm afraid to buy a new dish sponge 'cause I might win a phone call from INXS! Man, I ain't got nothin' to say to those guys!"

"Teodor: Philippe is standing on it."

"Ray: You know me, dude. I'm straighter than John Wayne voting for Reagan on a horse. Somebody says I'm gay, I'll just sit here bein' straight, and they'll be wrong."

"Pat: Teodor! Did you know it takes three acres of grain to produce one pound of beef?"

"Cornelius: I have a sneaking suspicion you take your alarmist medical parameters from the same commercial insurance literature that classifies Elijah Wood as morbidly obese."

"Ray: HEY! Don't you do cocaine at ME, you son of a bitch!"

"Ray: YOU WANT TO BE NINETEEN?! GO AHEAD!"

"Ray: Emeril food! Now! Why come ain't nobody stuffing a lasagna inside a turkey? Where's the butter? Put butter on what I said!"

"Philippe: Lie Bot, what is the saddest thing?"

"Ray: But Pat, The Cure is silly! It is silly to like The Cure!"

"Ray: EVERYBODY DANCE LIKE THERE'S ASS IN YOUR PANTS! ASS IN YOUR PANTS, ASS IN YOUR PANTS!"

"Ray: Dang, Beef! This ain't no regular hangover! This is the big one! I...I'm talkin' physical therapy! Wheelchairs and stuff! Speakin' at high schools!"

"Pat: What's it like to...what's it like to kill someone, Pete?"

"Nightlife: Whoah, don't get any ideas, muchacho amigo. My foie gras looks like a damn Brillo pad."

"Note to consumers: 68% of "McAfrica" pita sandwiches test positive for HIV."

"Robert Johnson: You are a hoot and a holler Ray Smuckles"

"Beef: We cracked into a case of Blue Nun Widemouths at like 3 AM last night"

"Beef: Hey there Jackie D"

"Pat: Mexican people take too long gettin' in and out of cars!"

"Beef: I wonder if there's a college study that shows how exposing my generation to Three's Company set gender relations back approximately 715 years"