The Order of the Stick

"Belkar: (Deafened by magic, already jumping to stab Nale) ELAN, IS IT COOL IF I KILL YOUR BROTHER WHAT CAN'T HEAR YOUR ANSWER SORRY!"

"Tarquin: Frankly, I’m surprised you agreed to show up. Our past differences aside, you of all people should be able to see the shape of this."

"Tarquin: I am not going to indulge you in your usual idiocy today, Scoundrel."

"Tarquin: Can't you see that there are underlying problems with the structure of this scene??"

"Julio Scoundrel: I think that’s half your problem, T- You always think everything that happens is about you!"

"Tarquin: It has become clear to me that the only way you will accept your proper role is for me to utterly crush you here and now. So I am going to murder your lowlife girlfriend, burn this ship and everyone on it to ash, and chop off your hand. BECAUSE THAT IS HOW THESE THINGS ARE DONE!""

"Tarquin: Elan! This arc isn't over yet! Where's the growth? You didn't lose anything! Nothing has changed! YOU GET BACK HERE AND GIVE THIS PLOTLINE A SATISFYING RESOLUTION THIS INSTANT!! ELAN! ELAN, THERE'S NO SENSE OF CLOSURE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! THIS IS A TERRIBLE ENDING!!!"

"Belkar: I am going to shove the sunshine so far up where the sun don't shine that you will vomit nothing but warm summer days!!"

"Haley: Warning: Meat laced with sleep potion may cause drowsiness."

"Roy: ...Gee, thanks for this visit, Dad. I had almost forgotten how much of an anal retentive blowhard you are."

"Haley: Sneak Attack Upside the Head!"

"Young Xykon: Zombification: it cures what ails you. Forever."

"Xyklon: Hey! Come back here! We're supposed to fight now!!! Sigh... guards, fetch the Ben & Jerry's."

"Female Goblin: Well... we could be dirt farmers."

"Redcloak: I'm so glad your conversion to a life-draining mockery of all that is beautiful has proven to be such a barrel of laughs."

"Eugene Greenhilt: When you're dead, you're never going to look back and say, "Darn, I didn't spend enough time on petty revenge.""

"Xykon: I ripped off my own living flesh so that I wouldn't have to admit weakness. You're strictly little league compared to that. That right there? That's the difference between bonafide true Evil with a capital "E" and your whiny "evil, but for a good cause," crap. One gets to be the butch, and one gets to be the bitch - bitch."

"Belkar: One order of gluttony with a side of corruption, please."

"Miko: By the Twelve Gods and in the name of Lord Shojo, I demand to know: Who removed the tag from this mattress?!?"

"Belkar: Hey Sweet Thing, wanna hold my Rod of Lordly Might? If you push the right button, it might extend!"

"Belkar: It's as true today as when I started adventuring: "When in doubt, set something on fire.""

"Celia: Hey, I don't make the crazy rules, I just twist them to my purpose."

"Redcloak: So help me, if you make me sail a ship made of hobgoblin corpses across the ocean, I will find a way to make you pay."

"Roy: Truly, your wit has never been equaled. Surpassed, often, but never equaled."

"Nameless Wizard: Excuse me, sir, if you're done pretending I can't hear you because I'm a nameless NPC, I'll head off to that tavern there to get utterly drunk in response to my life's apparent meaninglessness."

"Nale: Must... resist... urge to assert... heterosexuality! For the sake...of the plan!"

"Shojo: Look, O-Chul, I have two tasks that need to be completed. One involves three prisoners whose existence is now a state secret. The other involves cleaning up what came out of my cat's butt this morning. And Mr. Scruffy had a very upset tummy last night, didn't he? Didn't he?"

"Miko: You would stand between me and this evil murderer?"

"Roy: He's doing it because he thinks that you've learned your lesson, and with my guidance, you'll stop resorting to violence to solve your problems."

"Vaarsuvius: Thrice-cursed Spell Resistance! It's almost like the universe is trying to deliberately force some form of arbitrary equality between those of us who can reshape matter with our thoughts and those who cannot."

"Belkar: I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!!!"

"Redcloak: Look, I'm pretty busy at the moment. I'll deal with this later."

"Xykon: Goddamn, it, I forgot how much pain tends to hurt!"

"Elan: Hooray! Our long luteless nightmare is over! ... This is just like when Roy got his sword fixed! ... Or when Haley got her voice back! ... Or when Vaarsuvius was turned back into an elf. ... Or when Roy was turned back into a boy. ... Or when I got a new magic rapier. Twice."

"Belkar: Sorry, Scarface. Looks like one of us has an appointment with that thing's esophagus, and I nominate you, on account of you not being me."

"Roy: So... I could have all the one-night stands I want, but I'd have to have them at my Mom's house ? Are you trying to make people feel guilty about sex ?"

"Haley:Anyway, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is, I won initiative, so you guys get a sneak attack each. The good news is, I don't have to bother thinking up a second half to that joke, 'cause you're all dead now."

"Haley: This story is swiftly moving from fantasy to horror - and just my luck, I'm stuck in the role of the bimbo who runs down the alley away from the monsters. I swear, if I randomly fall down and break the heel of my boot, I'm going to find Wes Craven and kick his ass."

"Haley: Belkar, can you handle fifteen?"

"Elan: Fight, fight, fight, fight the urge to say, "I told you so!""

"Vaarsuvius: And once again, Probability proves itself willing to sneak into a back alley and service Drama as would a copper-piece harlot."

"Kazumi: I'm a goddamn baby-making, life-taking MACHINE! Why should I care how many people I have to kill? I can just make MORE in my TUMMY!"

"Belkar: Solve a man's problems with violence, help him for a day. Teach a man to solve his problems with violence, help him for a lifetime."

"Belkar: Everyone tried so hard to block my path-- and in the end, all they really did was force me to learn how to climb mountains. All the better from which to pee on them, heh."

"Nero: Call me old fashioned, but an evil ascension to power just isn't the same without someone chanting faux Latin in the backround."

"Cedrik: A good way to get a decent person to do something horrible is to convince them that they're not responsible for their actions."

"Crystal: Who's there?"

"Xykon: Your soul shenanigans are real flashy, but they had one weakness: they were shackled to your lame mid-level ass! I used to think spells equaled power, too, back when I was alive. I've learned a lot since then. You know what does equal power? Power. Power equals power. Crazy, huh?"

"Belkar: Wait. I think I just failed a Spot check."

"Haley: Turns out the head general for this empire is Elan's long-lost father."