"You see I didn't plan it like this. My dumb dad got me this shortwave radio set so I could just talk to my buddies back east. But I couldn't reach anybody. So I just imagined I was talking to nobody, I imagined nobody listening. Maybe I imagined there would be one person out there... And then one day I woke up, and I realized I was never going to be normal, so I said, "Fuck it." I said, "So be it." And Happy Harry Hard-On was born. But I never meant to hurt anyone. I never meant to hurt anyone. I'm sorry Malcolm. I never said, "Don't do it.""