"I wonder if she actually had that orgasm in the two years we were married, or did she fake it that night?"

"[to Dick and Linda Christie] I'm going home. I think today I'm gonna brush all my teeth!"

"[in a dream sequence to Dream Sharon] Sorry I had to slap you around, but you got hysterical when I said, "No more.""

"[to Linda Christie] I had to go to Washington once when I was married, and though I was the one leaving, I got sick, …"

"I'll get broads up here like you wouldn't believe: swingers, freaks, nymphomaniacs, dental hygienists."

"I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life."

"[to Linda Christie] Look. Last night you felt like a woman, and I felt like a man . . . And that's the kind of thing …"

"[to Allan Felix and Diane Christie] The two of you should get married and move into a hospital."

"Somewheres in life you got turned around. It's her job to smell good for you."

"[voiceover, after watching Casablanca] Who am I kidding? I'm not like that. I never was, I never will be. . . . That'…"