"Phil Hartman [singing]: I hide behind these wigs and this make-up, but tonight, I'm gonna let myself shine through. T…"

"[narrating "Sex" by Madonna on tape] I like my vagina. Sometimes I stare at it in the mirror when I'm undressing, and…"

"Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, I'm just a Caveman. I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by your scientists.…"

"Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer (slurring): [Aboard airplane] Stewardess, could you get me another drink?"

"Judge: Did you hear that, Mr. Cirroc?"

"Lionel: Oh no, we've drawn Judge Schneider."

"Lionel: And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Often as a lawyer."

"Lionel: I've been getting a lot of calls about you, Marge. People just love your no-pressure approach."

"Lionel: Well, I didn't win. Here's your pizza."

"Lionel: Mrs. Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night; the sound wasn't on, but I think I got …"