"I'd been acting and doing stand-up in New York about eight years, getting rejected, and I finally got the opportunity…"

"In Indiana, I wasn't anything special. But in New York, I've gone out with girls with purple hair who go out with me …"

"Of course what makes breakfast in bed so special is you're lying down and eating bacon, the most beautiful thing on E…"

"I married a woman who loves to camp and I am what you would call indoorsy. I'm surprised we can still get people to c…"

"It's like in most parts of America, where there was industry and there is no longer; there is cynicism mixed with sar…"

"Hopefully, some of it has to do with us being good actors, too. There's some of it where you get lucky. You come on t…"

"Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would ad…"

"I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat (would-be hecklers) to the punch."

"I do kind of aspire to do comedy that appeals to a wide range of audiences and doesn't divide people. I never want to…"

"One thing I've always appreciated about Dave is that he can be sarcastic without being alienating and self-deprecatin…"