"I am not a politician, and my other habits are good, also."

"The prevailin' weakness of most public men is to Slop over. G. Washington never slopt over."

"I can't sing. As a singist I am not a success. I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder ev…"

"Did you ever have the measels, and if so, how many?"

"My wife is one of the best wimin on this continent, altho' she isn't always gentle as a lamb, with mint sauce."

"Why is this thus? What is the reason of this thusness?"

"He is dreadfully married. "He's the most married man I ever saw in my life.""

"Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to borrer [sic] money to do it with."

"The sun has a right to "set" where it wants to, and so, I may add, has a hen."

"They cherish his mem'ry, and them as sell picturs of his birthplace, etc., make it prof'tible cherishin' it."