"[Mr. Greenfield ejaculates after having sex with Debbie] This is red-white Dallas special. [cheering; Captions read “TOUCHDOWN FOR MR. GREENFELD” “SCORE ONE FOR DEBBIE”]"

"EVERYONE ON THE TEAM SCORES WHEN HER POM-POMS FLY!"

"I just wish I could believe in myself as much as I believe in all of you."

"I'm a virgin — well, technically. I just act that way so guys will like me. But, it's like, really hard acting slutty all the time. I don't know how you do it, Brooke."

"Just so you know, I'm not mad anymore. I myspaced it out of my system."

"Well, you wouldn't answer my calls or texts, so I had to kick it ol' school and show up in person."

"Bryce Johnson - Greg"

"Faune A. Chambers - Monica"

"Dennis Hemphill Jr. as Francis"

"Richard Lee Jackson - Derek"

"Bethany Joy Lenz - Marni Potts"

"Anne Judson-Yager -Whittier Smith"

"Bree Turner - Tina Hammersmith"

"Kelly Stables - Tiny Blonde"

"Kevin Cooney - Dean Sebastian"

"Joshua Gomez - Sammy Stinger"

"Brian Wade - Fatneck"

"Katherine Bailess - Colleen Lipman"

"Darren Geare - Croquet Teammate"

"Holly Towne - Janice"

"Felicia Day - Penelope Hope"

"RuPaul Charles - Mike"

"Mink Stole - Nancy Bloomfield"

"Megan's Dad: Dear Lord, please bless this food that we are about to eat. We thank you for the abundance that You have provided. Please help us to follow Your path, the one you intended us all to follow. And Lord... please help us to obey the roles in life You set for us. For all that is natural and... healthy... and sacred, in Your name we pray. Amen."

"Andre: [about Graham] She's just upset, because the fish on her plate is the only kind she can eat."

"Cathy Moriarty - Mary Brown"

"I have told you over and over again! No more sipping! Chug it, like a man! Go on, chug!"

"Foreplay is for sissies! Real men go in, unload and pull out!"

"[to Graham]: You are so good at being straight."

"Bud Cort - Peter Bloomfield"

"Katharine Towne - Sinead Lauren"

"All: [singing]: 5, 6, 7, 8, God is good, God is straight. 1, 2, 3, 4, inverts we will be no more. 5, 6, 7, 8, God is good, God is straight."

"Brandt Wille - Jared"

"Natasha Lyonne - Megan Bloomfield"

"I'm not perverted! I get good grades! I go to church! I'm a cheerleader! I'm not like all of you!"

"“Jan, you were molested … I mean just take a look at yourself”"

"Katrina Phillips - Jan"

"Michelle Williams - Kimberly"

"I refuse to accept a false solution to my problem. I resist temptation and seek to solve my problem."

"Women have roles. After you learn that, you'll stop objectifying them."

"I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! I'm a homosexual! [...] Oh my god... they were right. I'm a homo. [cries]"

"I need you to teach me how to be a lesbian. What they wear, what they eat, where they live"

"I thought it was just an act, but you really are sweet as fucking pie, aren't you?"

"You are who you are. The only trick is not getting caught."

"Would you tie her to your bed and zap her to death? Or are you running low on batteries?"

"Richard Moll - Larry Morgan-Gordon"

"Joel Michaely - Joel Goldberg"

"[to Megan]: Get out of bed! You hormonal hussy! I can't believe you did this!"

"Kip Pardue - Clayton Dunn"