Zombieland

"I used to avoid people like they were zombies before they were zombies. Now that they are all now zombies, I kinda miss people."

"[to Tallahassee] You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like developed in a secret government lab!"

"[voiceover, face to face with a zombie clown] Oh, God. Look at this fucking clown. Of course...it had to be a clown! No, wait. It had to be a clown. And it had to be Wichita up there to make me realize that some rules... [the words "RULE #17: DON'T BE A HERO" appear, with the word "DON'T" falling down, and turning into "RULE #17: BE A HERO"] ...are meant to be broken. Time to nut up or shut up. Fuck this clown."

"[last lines] So until next time, remember: Cardio, seat belts, and this really has nothing to do with anything, but a little sunscreen never hurt anybody. [Tallahassee hits the zombie with the car door] I'm Columbus, Ohio from Zombieland, saying good night."

"Time to nut up or shut up."

"My momma always told me "Someday you'll be good at somethin'." Who'd have guessed that somethin' would be zombie killin'?"

"There's a box of Twinkies in that Grocery Store. Not just any Twinkies, the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date, and someday soon, life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go...empty."

"[silently crying about losing his 3-year-old son to the zombies] I haven't cried like that since Titanic."

"[about Columbus, after seeing him kiss Wichita] Finally got to first base. Not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck."

"[looking through a fried-Twinkie stand] Where are ya, ya spongy yellow delicious bastards?! Where are ya?!"

"Welcome to Zombieland."

"Our land is their land."

"This place is so dead"

"Nut up or shut up."

"Survival rule #21: Avoid strip clubs."

"Survival rule #28: Get a kickass partner."

"Survival rule#4: Don't be a hero."

"Survival rule #1: Cardio."

"A comedy that kills."

"Woody Harrelson - Tallahassee"

"Jesse Eisenberg - Columbus"

"Emma Stone - Wichita"

"Abigail Breslin - Little Rock"

"Bill Murray - Himself"