"Oh, bugger me, you've sodded the whole thing up like the stupid little twerp that you are. I was recreating what happened to me twenty years ago, man and boy."

"If there's one thing I've learned, it's learning things never taught me nuthin'. And books is the worst."

"[recreating the path to where the treasure is buried] Stagger, stagger, crawl, crawl, jump..."

"The pirate Yellowbeard captured many other galleons, killing over five-hundred men in cold blood. He would tear the captains hearts out and swallow them whole. Often forcing his victims to eat their own lips, he was caught and imprisoned... for tax evasion."

"Swashbucklers, pirates, public floggings, saucy tarts, beggars, queens, & jolly rogers."

"A Shipload of Laughs."

"...a rollicking yarn for the young in the head!"

"The greatest comedy cast ever assembled for a movie! Everyone who's ever been funny!!!"

"Graham Chapman - Captain Yellowbeard"

"Peter Boyle - Moon"

"Cheech Marin - El Segundo"