War, Inc.

"Look, we've already kicked the shit out of this place. What are we supposed to do, turn our backs on all the entrepreneurial possibilities? Business is a uniquely human response to a moral or cosmic crisis. Whether it's a tsunami or a sustained aerial bombardment, there's the same urgent call for urban renewal."

"This is Donnie Lou's Fever Juice. It is rated at just under a quarter million Scoville units. Now, when I find the demands of life to be challenging, I take a "wee drop." The more challenging, the higher the Scoville units. [fills a tiny teacup with hot sauce] But the trick, you see, that I've taught myself, is to never allow my eyes to tear up. One completely honest thing... if you really knew me, you'd despise me even more than you do."

"Did you know that the word "person" comes from the Latin word "persona" which means mask? So maybe being human means we invite spectators to ponder what lies behind. Each of us would be composed of a variety of masks. And if we can see behind the mask, we would get a burst of clarity, and if that flame was bright enough, that's when we fall in love. What is your opinion on these divine matters?"

"Isn't it a little late to be worrying about international conventions? Is nerve gas any worse than getting your head blown off by a precision-guided laser missile? Frankly, it's a nuance that's lost on me."

"Let's cut the shit, Walken. I like killing people as much as the next guy. But I signed up to kill the bad ones. Health clinics, trade unionists, journalists, agricultural co-ops, Catholic liberation theologians, impoverished Colombian coffee farmers - these are the barbarians, the depraved opponents of civilization? We turned Central America into a fucking graveyard. Whoever momentarily interrupts the accumulation of our wealth, we pulverize. I'm just not feeling good about that anymore, sir."

"Marsha, get me Katie Couric, Al Jezeera and 100 gallons of sheep shit."

"It's going to be hard to torture someone who's mostly dead... but I'm gonna try to enjoy it."

"You ever wonder what the ideology of a Vibrio cholerae bacterium is? Or the belief system of Yersinia pestis, the bacteria that causes Bubonic plague? Well I'll tell ya, Hauser: perpetuation! An infinite succession of generations, immortality on the installment plan. I wish I had that sort of esprit de corps, that bacterial team spirit... talk about legacy, talk about empire..."

"Wonderful opportunities here, Hauser, as long as these towel-heads don't actually look up "freedom" in the dictionary. But to use one of your home-spun colloquialisms: let's cut the shit, shall we? You know what your problem is, Hauser? You're a moralist! That's why you're so much fun to fuck with. War is the improvement of investment climates by other means. Clausewitz For Dummies. The U.S.A. is a subdivision of Tamerlane. Democracy, the War on Terror, the War on Drugs: these are all focus groups, slogans for Tamerlane!"

"John Cusack - Brand Hauser"

"Marisa Tomei - Natalie Hegalhuzen"

"Hilary Duff - Yonica Babyyeah"

"Joan Cusack - Marsha Dillion"

"Ben Kingsley - Walken"

"Dan Aykroyd - The Vice President"

"Montel Williams - Guidestar Voice"