The Wedding Date

"[to Nick] You're like the Yoda of escorts. Getting you on the phone was harder than getting into college."

"Oh, I should warn you. You know those families where everyone's out of their minds, but at the end of the day they're you family, so you love them? Mine's not like that. I love my dad, but since he's my stepdad, he's technically not family. He's more like a hostage."

"A wedding is a sacrament... a joyous celebration of love and commitment. In Utopia. In the real world... it's an excuse to drink excessively and say things you shouldn't say."

"[to Kat] Let me teach you a trick: if you look people in the eye, they won't notice what you're wearing."

"[at the Bachelorette Party] Well thank you for including me in this timeless feminine ritual. Here's to the husbands who've won you, the losers who've lost you, and the lucky bastards who've yet to meet you."

"Go ahead, Kat, hate me. I think you're running out of steam on this whole Jeffrey thing anyhow. Maybe now you'll be able to hold on to this long enough to ruin your next relationship."

"[to Edward] The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back. But if you know her shit and she knows yours, and at the end of the day if you still would rather give up than try, nothings ever going to be worth it. Maybe think about it this way... you go back, you get to spend the rest of your life having really great makeup sex."

"I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else."

"[to Kat and Amy] The only thing that you two have in common is that you're both secretly attracted to me."

"[to Kat, about Jeffrey and Nick] Darling, why spend anymore time on that horse's ass when Mr. Tie-Me-Up-Tie-Me-Down is standing right over there?"

"[after seeing Nick wink] Oh God. I think I've just come."

"Will someone buy my Hoo-Ha a drink?"

"[about Nick] Can you believe Kat gets to shag this guy? No, really, you should send God a bottle of wine or a quiche or something."

"Debra Messing - Kat Ellis"

"Dermot Mulroney - Nick Mercer"

"Amy Adams - Amy"

"Jack Davenport - Edward Fletcher-Wooten"

"Sarah Parish - TJ"

"Jeremy Sheffield - Jeffrey"

"Peter Egan - Victor Ellis"

"Holland Taylor - Bunny"

"Jolyon James - Woody"