The Curse of the Jade Scorpion

"John Schuck - Mize"

"My clergyman - who happens to be wanted for pederasty - will vouch for me."

"It's a match made in heaven... by a retarded angel."

"A lot of women have passed through this apartment. I can't say they were all winners, but..."

"The New York City Police want to give me a lifetime achievement award."

"You don't have a kosher bone in your body."

"You hate any woman that doesn't have a double digit IQ."

"Gosh, all this passion in a lousy insurance office!"

"Woody Allen - C. W. Briggs"

"Helen Hunt - Betty Ann Fitzgerald"

"Dan Aykroyd - Chris Magruder"

"Brian Markinson - Alvin "Al""

"Wallace Shawn - George Bond"

"David Ogden Stiers - Voltan"

"Charlize Theron - Laura Kensington"

"Elizabeth Berkley - Jill"

"Peter Gerety - Ned"

"I hate her just like I hate that German chancellor with the mustache."