The Apartment

"On November 1, 1959, the population of New York City was 8,042,783. If you laid all these people end to end, figuring an average height of five feet six and a half inches, they would reach from Times Square to the outskirts of Karachi, Pakistan. I know facts like this because I work for an insurance company - Consolidated Life of New York. We're one of the top five companies in the country. Our home office has 31,259 employees, which is more than the entire population of uhh... Natchez, Mississippi. I work on the 19th floor. Ordinary Policy Department, Premium Accounting Division, Section W, desk number 861."

"As for myself, I very often stay on at the office and work for an extra hour or two, especially when the weather is bad. It's not that I'm overly ambitious, it's just a way of killing time, until it's all right for me to go home. You see, I have this little problem with my apartment...I live in the West Sixties, just half a block from Central Park. My rent is $85 a month. It used to be eighty until last July when Mrs. Lieberman (Frances Lax), the landlady, put in a second-hand air conditioning unit. It's a real nice apartment - nothing fancy - but kind of cozy - just right for a bachelor. The only problem is - I can't always get in when I want to."

"Y'know, I used to live like Robinson Crusoe. I mean shipwrecked among 8 million people. And then one day I saw a footprint in the sand and there you were."

"How could I be so stupid? You would think I should have learned by now. When you're in love with a married man you shouldn't wear mascara."

"Why do people have to love people anyway?"

"Some people take, some people get took. And they know they're getting took and there's nothing they can do about it."

"I wonder how long it takes to get someone you're stuck on out of your system. They should invent a pump for that."

"Jack Lemmon - Calvin Clifford (C. C.) "Bud" Baxter"

"Shirley MacLaine - Fran Kubelik"

"Fred MacMurray - Jeff D. Sheldrake"

"Ray Walston - Joe Dobisch"

"Jack Kruschen - Dr. Dreyfuss"

"David Lewis - Al Kirkeby"

"Hope Holiday - Mrs. Margie MacDougall"

"Joan Shawlee - Sylvia"

"Naomi Stevens - Mrs. Mildred Dreyfuss"

"Johnny Seven - Karl Matuschka"

"Joyce Jameson - The blonde"

"Willard Waterman - Mr. Vanderhoff"

"David White - Mr. Eichelberger"

"Edie Adams - Miss Olsen"