Sgt. Bilko

"[On the phone] Listen, that M2 Bradley Fighting Vehicle is property of the United States Army; I want it back on the post by tonight! We have rules! Rules and regulations! [Turns to light a match on a sign that says "NO SMOKING", then lights a cigarette] I have your rental agreement right here. And if you blow anything up, it's coming out of your deposit! [Hangs up and sighs irritably] Teenagers. So irresponsible!"

"[talking to Major Thorn over alleged anomalies in Bilko's platoon] You know, for all the differences I've had with Bilko over the years, I have to admit- I've always kind of liked him. The way he kept up the men's morale; the way he'd pretend to cry, when I went on leave. The way- every year, on my birthday- he'd have the men mow my name on the main lawn, with a big heart around it."

"Steve Martin - MSgt. Ernest "Ernie" Bilko, USA"

"Phil Hartman — Major Colin Thorn, USA"

"Dan Aykroyd - Col. John T. Hall, USA"

"Glenne Headly - Rita Robbins"

"John Marshall Jones - Sgt. Henshaw"

"Pamela Adlon - Sgt. Raquel Barbella"

"Austin Pendleton - Maj. Ebersole"

"Chris Rock - 1st Lt. Oster"

"Cathy Silvers - 1st Lt. Monday"

"Steve Park - Capt. Moon"

"Debra Jo Rupp - Mrs. Hall"

"Richard Herd - Gen. Tennyson"

"Dan Ferro - Spc. Tony Morales"

"John Ortiz - Spc. Luis Clemente"

"Max Casella - Spc. Dino Paparelli"

"Daryl Mitchell - Pfc. Walter "Wally" T. Holbrook"

"Mitchell Whitfield as Pfc. Mickey Zimmerman"