Rob Smyth

"Good stuff from Kemp, who clumps an attempted yorker from Watson down the ground for four before blasting another full-toss through extra-cover. Watson has bowled like a drain today."

"Another one goes, and I'm so underwhelmed that I can't even be bothered to use the obligatory exclamation mark after 'wicket'. All it took was the most rudimentary wicket-to-wicket hustle from Reekers, who is something of a corpulent Ian Austin, and Haq was cleaned up as he played miserably around his pads."

"I like Relentless."

"Four more byes down the leg side, although Prior was pretty blameless there. However, it does take his byes conceded past the 1,000,000 mark in only his seventh Test, which is quite some achievement. Give that some [name of sponsor deleted] energy, you gobby git."

"I even sponsored them myself, although I don't like really like to talk about my charity, erm, work. Which is a good job because I do so much that you'd never shut me up. If I spoke about it. Which I don't like to do."