Pam Ayres

"I bought myself a Wonderbra For fourteen ninety nine, It looked so good on the model girl's chest, And I hoped it would on mine, I took it from the packaging And when I tried it on, The Wonderbra restored to me All I believed had gone."

"I am a mighty Garage, On the corner of the Square, And it is all my pleasure, To provide a quick repair, Or I can do your service, In the blinking of an eye, I wouldn't say it's thorough, But it'll get you by."

"I am sitting on the sofa. By the fire and staying in. Me head is free of comfort And me nose is free of skin Me friends have run for cover, They have left me pale and sick With me pockets full of tissues And me nostrils full of Vick."