Nedra Glover Tawwab

"Visit the past, but don't stay there."

"Critical thinking is a threat to unhealthy systems, and questions make people think."

"Honesty isn’t betrayal; it’s courage. Stop sugarcoating your experiences and allow the truth to free you. People often misrepresent their relationships and experiences because they’re too afraid to admit what’s true. But denial will keep you from breaking free from your past."

"What you're searching for in others lies within you."

"Be the person you would have looked up to in childhood."

"You aren't what happened to you."

"understanding breeds grace."

"The most important question you need to answer is What do you want for your life? Bear in mind that what you want might not currently exist in your family."

"We can't stop others from neglecting us, but we can stop ignoring ourselves."

"Resilience is the ability to embrace what happened."

"Boundaries will set you free. (Introduction)"

"The ability to say no to yourself is a gift. If you can resist your urges, change your habits, and say yes to only what you deem truly meaningful, you’ll be practicing healthy self-boundaries. It’s your responsibility to care for yourself without excuses."

"Tell people what you need."

"We don't naturally fall into perfect relationship; we create them"

"How they treat you is about who they are, not who you are."

"The hardest thing about implementing boundaries is accepting that some people won’t like, understand, or agree with yours. Once you grow beyond pleasing others, setting your standards becomes easier. Not being liked by everyone is a small consequence when you consider the overall reward of healthier relationships."

"People don’t know what you want. It’s your job to make it clear. Clarity saves relationships."

"healthy people appreciate honesty and don’t abandon us if we say no."

"Discomfort is a part of the process."

"It’s true that setting boundaries isn’t easy. Paralyzing fear about how someone might respond can easily hold us back. You might play out awkward interactions in your mind and prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome. But trust me: short-term discomfort for a long-term healthy relationship is worth it every time!"

"we victimize ourselves further when we let our fear prevent us from doing what we need to do."

"It may be hard to just listen without offering advice as people share their problems, but this is often the best support we can give."

"We simply can’t have a healthy relationship with another person without communicating what’s acceptable and unacceptable to us."

"Fear is not rooted in fact. Fear is rooted in negative thoughts and the story lines in our heads."

"Avoidance is a passive-aggressive way of expressing that you are tired of showing up. Hoping the problem will go away feels like the safest option, but avoidance is a fear-based response. Avoiding a discussion of our expectations doesn’t prevent conflict. It prolongs the inevitable task of setting boundaries."

"Remember: there is no such thing as guilt-free boundary setting. If you want to minimize (not eliminate) guilt, change the way you think about the process. Stop thinking about boundaries as mean or wrong; start to believe that they’re a nonnegotiable part of healthy relationships, as well as a self-care and wellness practice."

"It’s okay for a small child to set limits like not eating meat or feeling uncomfortable around certain people. Parents who respect those boundaries make space for their children to feel safe and loved, and they reinforce the positive habit of articulating needs. When parents ignore these preferences, children feel lonely, neglected, and like their needs don’t matter—and they will likely struggle with boundaries as adults."

"Burnout is a response to unhealthy boundaries."