My Life In Ruins

"[to Irv] You’re not funny. Stop trying."

"I'm a lightweight, one drink and I'm looking for a bellman to make out with."

"[about members of her group] Australians are the nicest people, but you can only understand about half of what they say."

"[about Prokopi] Fine. Yeah, sometimes he's nice, but mostly he just makes me mad."

"Irv Giddian and I've come here to see as many ancient ruins as possible and judging from your husband, the trip is already a success."

"How many of you, like me, have come here to fondle as many nude statues as possible? This is comedy. The Greeks invented it, like moustaches on women."

"I would like to apologize to everybody. It was my medication, I take Preparation H because I'm an asshole."

"I'm not a god. That's just a rumor my mother started."

"History has got a lot of dirty stories. Sex sells."

"My job is to drive the bus, you know it pays better."

"Maria, will you make me a full-time driver?"

"[to Georgia] You said you haven't made love in forever."

"[to Georgia, about the bus crash] You distracted me. I could have killed you. All of us."

"Dr. Tullen: (about Irv, hands Georgia $$) That man is so rude. Make it stop."

"Big Al: (about the bus crash) You know, this whole thing happened 'cause he was staring at you, Angie."

"Kimmy: Angie, everyone on the bus has a different word for it. I call it: mysterious."

"Caitlin: Will my parents ever stop fighting?"

"GATOR: (doing rapid shots of Grapa) I've never even seen this kind of alcohol before!"

"Nico: (sarcastically, to his group) Fine, fine, take your stupid pictures and I go get you some ice cream."

"Maria': Everybody should take the time for a coffee."

"Maria: Nico? He quit. Mama's boy. I knew his father. Same thing."

"The most fun you can have without a passport."

"The Star of 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' is Finally Going to Greece."

"Falling in Love...In All the Wrong Places"

"Nia Vardalos - Georgia"

"Richard Dreyfuss - Irv"

"Alexis Georgoulis - Poupi Kakas"

"Alistair McGowan - Nico"

"Harland Williams - Big Al"

"Rachel Dratch - Kim"

"Caroline Goodall - Dr. Tullen"

"Ian Ogilvy - Mr. Tullen"

"Sophie Stuckey - Caitlin"

"María Botto - Lala"