"Destiny's a pretty big concept, when you think about it. Where you are in life, how you got there, what would have happened if one thing or another had been different. To be honest, I never gave it much thought, myself, until today, June 14th, my 35th birthday, and without a doubt, the strangest day of my life. Do you remember the old story that starts, "This guy goes into a bar"? Well, I'm the guy, and here's the story."

"Why is it every time you have a mouthful of freeze-dried coffee, your boss walks in on you?"

"Why is it every time your best friend's kissing you on the head, a beautiful woman comes along and catches you?"

"Why is it when you do something terrific, nine times out of 10 you're all alone, but when you screw up really big, the whole world is watching?"

"How well do you remember 1970?"

"Maybe it was because it was my birthday. Maybe it was seeing Cindy Jo. I don't know. But all morning I'd been thinking about what it would have been like if my life had turned out differently."

"How about that! The desk is wired to my ass!"

"You'll find a lot of people don't like you, Larry."

"Congratulations, Larry. It's a brave man who takes control of his own destiny."

"Ellen Jane Burrows: Oh, honey, were you thinking about that silly baseball game again?"

"Jewel Jagger, Forklift Operator: You wouldn't want me to fork you to death, would you?"

"Jackie: When I played for the Bears, they used to call me "Cement Head". But you can call me Jackie."

"Duncan the Tow Truck Driver: Somebody here call for a tow truck?"

"Would you give up everything you have... for everything you've ever wanted? Then meet..."

"Larry Burrows wished for it all... until all that he wished for came true!"

"A totally magical comedy!"

"Jim Belushi — Larry Joseph Burrows/Narrator"

"Linda Hamilton — Ellen Jane Burrows/Robertson"

"Michael Caine — Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar/Angel"

"Jon Lovitz — Clip Metzler, Larry's Best Friend"

"Hart Bochner — Niles Pender"

"Bill McCutcheon — Leo Hansen, CEO Liberty Republic Sporting Goods/Cyndi Jo's Father"

"Rene Russo — Cindy Jo Bumpers"

"Jay O. Sanders — Jackie Earle Bumpers, Company President aka 'Cement Head'"

"Maury Chaykin — Guzelman, Building Contractor"

"Pat Corley — Harry Burrows"

"Douglas Seale — Boswell, Burrows' Butler in Alternate Life"

"Courteney Cox — Jewel Jagger, Forklift operator/Larry's Secretary"

"Doug Barron — Lewis Flick"

"Jeff Weiss — Ludwig"

"Tony Longo — Huge Guy"