Meet the Spartans

"Carmen Electra - Queen Margo"

"Ken Davitian - Xerxes"

"Kevin Sorbo - Captain"

"Jareb Dauplaise - Dilio"

"Travis Van Winkle - Sonio"

"Diedrich Bader - Traitoro"

"Phil Morris - Messenger"

"Method Man - Persian Emissary"

"Nicole Parker - Paris Hilton/Britney Spears/Ellen DeGeneres/Paula Abdul"

"Ike Barinholtz - Le Chiffre/Prophet/Dane Cook"

"Tony Yalda - Sanjaya Malakar"

"Christopher Lett - Randy Jackson"

"Crista Flanagan - Oracle/Ugly Betty"

"Jim Piddock - Loyalist/Simon Cowell"

"Nate Haden - Ryan Seacrest"

"Dean Cochran - Rocky Balboa/Rambo"

"Emily Wilson - Lindsay Lohan"

"Jason Paige - Buttmeister Narrator"

"Xerxes, he looked a lot like that fat guy from Borat."

"[putting his testicles on Leonidas' face and mouth while fighting him] Lick my snowballs! [Leonidas groans as his tongue touches the testicles]"

"[as penguin farts and shits into his face and mouth] Aw it smells!"

"Say "what's up" to Anna Nicole for me!"

"Sean Maguire - Leonidas"

"[turns around and bends over, putting his butt above Leonidas' face] Now eat my penguin asshole! [Penguin farts repeatedly, then slaps his butt] Ooh, that taco bell ain't sitting right [white diarrhea sprays into Leonidas' face and mouth] Ha!, caught you with your mouth open!"

"That is how "men" greet each other in Sparta: high-fives for the women and open-mouthed tongue kisses for the men."

"The Oracle also said that our painted-on abs look fake! But I beg to differ!"

"Yo Mama's so hairy, the only language she speaks is Wookie!"

"Who is that (about Sonio) Well, he's got a huge package (indicating a wooden box)"

"THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

"this is from the movie and is not historically accurate..."

"I tell you, kid, you got balls! I come here with this huge army, we're gonna shish kebab your ass!"

"Ooh! Transformer Cube!"

"Leave Britney alone!"

"Enough of this superflous videogame violence!"

"My lord, he will tell Xerxes that Sparta is not for them, so whatever you do, don't be throwing him into the Pit of Death. (Leonidas does the exact opposite) Stop throwing people into the Pit of Death! Really!"

"[with a mini-vac] How do you like me now, Sandman?"

"Traitoro was a Traitor?"

"Well, tickle my nipples with a feather"

"I'm a Hilton; I don't bow... but I do bend over."

"I thought the kick was utterly dreadful. In fact, I've seen better kicks from a geriatric donkey and I am not talking about you Paula."

"I'm assembling an army to go to war with Persia. I'm going to take them in the rear... and then I'm gonna reach around, and I'm gonna take them again from the front!"