Hudson Hawk

"If the Mario brothers weren't New Jersey's third-largest crime family, I'd say, "Kiss my ass." But considering your status, I will say, "Slurp my butt.""

"How am I driving? 1-800-I'm-gonna-fucking-die!"

"Hi, I'm being blackmailed into robbing Vatican City by a psychotic American corporation and the C.I.A.."

"Hey! Old Man! Yeah, you! You come back here without your little Cub Scout army, and I'll kick your Centrally Intelligent Ass up one side of the piazza and down the other!"

"[after decapitating Alfred] You won't be attending that hat convention in July!"

"That doughnut-hole-eating, son-of-a-bitch, take-it-in-the-ear-for-a-beer, rat bastard!"

"(drugged) I feel like a dolphin who's never tasted melted snow. What does the color blue taste like? Bobo knows! (laughs) I must speak with the dolphins now. Eeeee-eeee-eee-eeeeeee!"

"What can I tell you? I'm the villain."

"This might be hard to believe, but I'm just a regular Joe. I just want to be happy. And happiness comes from the achievement of goals. It's just that when you've made your first billion by the age of 19, it's hard to keep coming up with new ones! But finally, I've got myself a new goal: WORLD DOMINATION!"

"Money isn't everything - gold is. Fuck T-bills! Fuck blue chip stocks! Fuck junk bonds! We've got the real deal! Money will always be paper, but gold will always be GOLD!"

"I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career."

"I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom!"

"If Da Vinci were alive today, he'd be eating microwave sushi, naked, in the back of a Cadillac with the both of us."

"History, tradition, culture... are not concepts! These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights! The chaos we will cause with this machine will be our final masterpiece!"

"Bunny, ball ball."

"Eureka, motherfuckers!"

"God, I miss Communism. The Red threat. People were scared, the Agency had some respect, and I got laid every night."

"Punks. They think that the "Bay of Pigs" is an herbal tea and that the Cold War has something to do with penguins."

"We blow up space shuttles for breakfast. You and your friend Tommy are nothing more than... a late afternoon Triscuit. Ciao."

"(his dying words) MY PENSION!"

"Cardinal The Vatican has foiled the advances of pirates and terrorists. We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey."

"Cardinal (in a confessional) Hit me with your best shot."

"Catch the excitement. Catch the laughter. Catch the Hawk."

"For this cat burglar, nine lives may just not be enough."

"Shy. Sensitive. Law-abiding. Polite. Respectful. - I don't think so."

"Catch the Excitement. Catch the Adventure. Catch the Hawk."

"Watch your step. Hold your breath. Hang on for dear life. And catch...the hawk."

"Bruce Willis - Hudson Hawk"

"Danny Aiello - Tommy Five-Tone"

"Andie MacDowell - Anna Baragli"

"Richard E. Grant - Darwin Mayflower"

"Sandra Bernhard - Minerva Mayflower"

"Donald Burton - Alfred"

"James Coburn - George Kaplan"