Funny People

"Is your act just designed to make sure no girl will ever sleep with you again? All you fucking talk about is jacking off and farting. You think a girl's going to come up to afterward and be like, "Oh, would you just jack off for me and then fart in my face?" That's fucking insane. Do you want to get laid, ever?"

"Are you mad that you died at the end of Die Hard?"

"You son of a bitch! Why didn't you tell me George Simmons wanted us to write jokes for him?"

"James Taylor: Fuck Facebook!"

"Adam Sandler - George Simmons"

"Seth Rogen - Ira Wright"

"Leslie Mann - Laura"

"Eric Bana - Clarke"

"Jonah Hill - Leo Koenig"

"Jason Schwartzman - Mark Taylor Jackson"

"Aubrey Plaza - Daisy Danby"

"Maude Apatow - Mable"

"Iris Apatow - Ingrid"

"Aziz Ansari - Randy Springs"

"RZA - Chuck"

"Torsten Voges - Dr. Lars"

"Allan Wasserman - Dr. Stevens"

"Kyle Kinane - Paparazzi at Medical Center"

"Steve Bannos - Deli Manager"

"Maggie Siff - Rachel"