Everyone Says I Love You

"It's all right! She just swallowed a little jewelry, enjoy your dinners."

"In a relationship, it is better to be the leaver than the leavee."

"I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier."

"There was a moment there when I stroked when I should have hickeyed."

"You're going to major in Journalism or Law. Not Rowing."

"How did I end up with a kid on the other end of the political spectrum? How did I fail?"

"I never believed in God. No, I didn't even as a little kid. I remember this. I used to think even if he exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him."

"It's like Noel Coward... with hockey!"

"Honey! Bring down a copy of my will... and an eraser!"

"I say give them an opportunity to decorate their own cells with their personal interior decorator."

"Bob, calm your denial mechanism."

"I've been trying since we got divorced to find the right woman for him, somebody to match up with his personality. I'm beginning to wonder if the world population isn't too limited."

"Laura: Please, no humiliating schemes."

"Rapper: Yo check it I'm through with love / I'm through with all you muthafuckas."

"DJ: That's Frieda, our maid. Personally I think she was Hitler's maid at Berchtesgaden."

"Woody Allen — Joe"

"Goldie Hawn - Steffi"

"Julia Roberts — Von"

"Edward Norton — Holden Spence"

"Drew Barrymore — Skylar Dandridge"

"Alan Alda — Bob"

"Natasha Lyonne — DJ"

"Tim Roth — Charles Ferry"

"Natalie Portman — Laura"

"Lukas Haas — Scotty"

"Gaby Hoffman — Lane"