Evan Almighty

"[signing off for the last time] I feel like that old Indian in front of all the garbage. So, for the last time, this is Evan Baxter for Eyewitness News. Goodnight."

"[after the Ark crashes into Congress) We can walk from here."

"(to Long after the Ark crashes into Congress] Hello Congressman. Mind if I park my boat here?"

"[Is using ancient tools to build the ark] Ever heard of Home Depot!?"

"People, the flood is imminent! (nothing happens) IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A LITTLE PRECIPITATION!?"

"(two wolves growl at Long) Don't look now Congressman but the wolves are here. Although I wouldn't worry so much about these wolves but those. (Evan gestures to the angry members of Congress standing behind Long)"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP!!!!!"

"(Joan and the kids have just left him) I know, I know. Everything you do, you do because you love me. (A sprinkler blasts him in the face) Do me a favor; love me less!"

"[With his arms and staff outstretched to the looming Memorial Bridge, as the Ark is fast approaching it.] I command thee halt! Stop! Woah! [Nothing happens] How about a little help here?! [Suddenly the whole right side of the Ark falls dark, as a massive wave four times the size and height of the Ark rises up and crashes down redirecting its path instantly down Capital Mall.]"

"And he wanted me to wear this robe because he thought it would be funny."

"(to Evan) Build the ark. And if anybody asks, just say, a flood is coming."

"I now issue a new commandment: "Thou shalt do the dance.""

"Tell you what. You build it and I'll fill it. Oh and you might need this. [Holds up a book titled "Ark Building for Dummies"]"

"(appears at Congress and recites the the Pledge of Allegiance) I pledge allegiance to the flag under the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands. One nation under me indivisible and liberty and justice for all."

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

"A comedy of Biblical proportions."

"Flooding into cinemas soon."

"Evan help us."

"Why are all of these animals following Evan Baxter? God only knows."

"God has a great design. Guess who's building it?"

"Steve Carell - Evan Baxter"

"Morgan Freeman - God"

"Lauren Graham - Joan Baxter"

"John Goodman - Congressman Long"

"John Michael Higgins - Marty Stringer"

"Jimmy Bennett - Ryan Baxter"

"Wanda Sykes - Rita Daniels"

"Jonah Hill - Eugene"

"Molly Shannon - Eve Adams"

"Graham Phillips - Jordan Baxter"

"Johnny Simmons - Dylan Baxter"

"Ed Helms - Ed Carson"

"Rachael Harris - Ark Reporter"

"Brian Howe - Builder"

"Harve Presnell - Congressman Burrows"

"Madison Mason - Congressman Dodds"

"Bruce Gray - Congressman Hughes"

"Paul Collins - Congressman Stamp"

"Jim Doughan - Neighbor (man)"

"Meagen Fay - Neighbor (woman)"

"Dean Norris - Officer Collins"

"Jon Stewart - Himself"

"Maile Flanagan - Mail Person"

"Catherine Bell - Susan Ortega (uncredited)"

"P.J. Byrne - Evan's Staffer #1"