Eoin Colfer

"Red held me at arm’s length, grinning. “Welcome to the family, Half Moon,” he said."

"“Nice shirt, Fletcher,” said Sergeant Murt Hourihan. “”You looking for a job in a surf store?”"

"“Who can fathom the workings of the criminal mind?” I said, trying to sound intelligent."

"In the Bernstein Manual there is a short chapter on undercover work. The first line says, in capital letters, AVOID UNDERCOVER WORK."

"Don't worry. I've been in showbusiness for a long time now - I know how to handle bastards"

"There seemed an unwritten agreement that the Thunder God should be left in peace, which was probably due to the very clearly written message painted on a whitewashed wall in what looked like lumpy congealed blood, which read: Leave me in peace and I probably won't kill you. No promise, mind. Probably is absolutely the best I can do."