Drowning Mona

"Good luck doesn't happen to people like us. Good luck happens to Madonna."

"I could wind up floating on the bottom of the Hudson."

"Some shame bout that Mona Dearly. I mean, so young."

"Don't kiss the dogs ass!"

"I was a battered husband."

"[singing] I'm a Wheel Watcher! I'm a Wheel Watcher!"

"[to Bobby and Jeff, regarding the name BJ Landscaping] BJ? [laughs] Well, I think "JB" has a nicer ring to it. Besides, you don't want anyone goin' around calling ya "Blow Job Landscaping" - Do ya?"

"I want half. And don't give me none of that "fifty-percent" shit."

"Look, I heard you the first time, Bobby. I ain't mute."

"Lt. Feege Gruber: They found him this morning...dead in the water, so to speak."

"1 murder. 460 prime suspects. Not so much of a 'who done it' as a 'who didn't'."

"The death of Mona Dearly wasn't so much a whodunnit, as a who didn't."

"Who wanted to see Mona Dearly dead? Take a number."

"Danny DeVito - Chief Wyatt Rash"

"Bette Midler - Mona Dearly"

"Neve Campbell - Ellen Rash"

"Jamie Lee Curtis - Rona Mace"

"Casey Affleck - Bobby Calzone"

"William Fichtner - Phil Dearly"

"Marcus Thomas - Jeff Dearly"

"Peter Dobson - Lt. Feege Gruber"

"Kathleen Wilhoite - Lucinda"

"Tracey Walter - Clarence"

"Will Ferrell - Cubby the Funeral Director"

"Paul Ben-Victor - Deputy Tony Carlucci"

"Paul Schulze - Deputy Jimmy D."