Drop Dead Gorgeous

"Oh no, my mom never kept a secret of the fact my dad chose his career over us. What was it she used to say? Once a carnie, always a carnie. Mom still cries every time she sees a tilt-a-whirl or a fat lady in a tube top."

"Hello Father Donnagan, sidewalks? sidewalks? Iris, stop it, it's not his fault. The communal wine just proves too tempting for some of them."

"Oh my God! My baby. That swan ate my baby. Baby, please, get out, we gotta go to State!"

"My Mom gave me this 9mil for my birthday, I'll always remember what she wrote in the card. "Jesus loves winners". That's why, no matter what I do, I aim to win."

"I chose Mount Rushmore, 'cause to live in a country where you can take an ugly old mountain and put faces on it, faces of great Americans who did so much to make our country super great, well that makes me, Rebecca Leeman, proud to be an American."

"Tammy: Maybe other people think I can't win a beauty pageant, but other people didn't think I could beat out Becky Leeman for President of the gun club either, and I did. It's just like Anthony Robins says, "I'm a winner, nobody can stop me, but me"."

"Annette: I shoved your tap shoes in my panties before I was blown out of the house, you go find the guy who cut them off, he'll give 'em to you so you can practice for the pageant."

"Leslie: They'll never let you perform naked, I asked."

"Hank: Harold, Harold, Are we on cops again Harold?"

"If looks could kill..."

"Kirsten Dunst — Amber Atkins"

"Denise Richards — Becky Ann Leeman"

"Kirstie Alley — Gladys Leeman"

"Ellen Barkin — Annette Atkins"

"Allison Janney — Loretta"

"Amy Adams — Lesley Miller"

"Mindy Sterling — Iris"

"Brooke Bushman — Tammy Curry"

"Matt Malloy — John Dough"

"Will Sasso — Hank"

"Mo Gaffney — Terry Macey"