Diplomacy (game)

"In a changing world, some things do not change. It may be fashionable to decry the simple Virtues, but we still like to find them in our friends. Loyalty, honesty, frankness, gratitude, chivalry, magnanimity - these are the hallmarks of the good friend, the good husband and father, the nice guy we all hope our daughters will marry."

"In the amoral world of Diplomacy, however, they are the hallmarks of the born loser. If a fallen enemy reaches out a hand for assistance, the wise man lops it off. If a friend does you a good turn when you’re down, wait until he’s down, then beat him to death. If an ally asks for your help in planning the next season’s moves, give it freely and copiously, then do the reverse of what you agreed and let him take the counter-attack. Try to surround yourself with people who trust you, then let them down; find an ally who will gladly die for you and see that he does just that."

"While you have a single unit at large, you are still in the game."

"There it lies on your doormat, its elegant oblong shape contrasting sharply with the harsh squarishness of phone bill and tax demand, its staple glinting in the grey morning light. It has no envelope; it’s just folded over, and your name and address are scrawled in a blank space on the outside sheet, amid incomprehensible catch-phrases and exhortations to the postman. It is your first copy of your first Diplomacy zine, telling you which country you have drawn in your first postal game; it is likely to make little sense to you on first reading, but it may be the first strand of a net that will ensnare you for years to come in the strange, exclusive, yet world-wide hobby of postal Diplomacy."

"In order to get to end game in good shape, you have to have an overall plan and, when I say overall, I mean board-wide. In every action you take, be it military or diplomatic, you MUST consider how it will affect every country on the board, not only now, but later. Don't forget that, in building up one country, be it yours or your ally's, it will have effects all the way across the board."

"Now you can only go where the provinces are named.(Points to Ireland)Now we all know this is Ireland but these clever Irish figured out that if you don't name it no-one can invade them."

"The Players"

"Okay, you plan to lie to one or more of your opponents and need some help. The first question you must ask yourself is why. Why do you need to use a lie? Some players use lies all to often, sometimes without reason, and the result is a player that finds that no one wishes to ally with him and no one trusts him. Even when such a player speaks the truth, other players do not believe him. This is bad. Use lies only when it benefits you and not as a routine diplomacy trick. A good lie depends on the fact that the player who utters the lie has some reputation of telling the truth. If you have a good reason for lying to your opponent, then go ahead to read step 2, but if you do not you might be better off not lying. Believe it or not, honesty usually actually is the best policy."

"Similar relationships exist between England/Austria (Russia should be weak), France/Austria (Italy & Germany will be in trouble), Germany/Turkey (probably a weak Russia), Russia/Italy (bye bye Austria & Turkey). Keep in mind, of course, the fact that none of these pairings represent hard and fast laws, but, rather, handy rules of thumb."

"# Always stay on good terms with everyone for as long as possible, or longer."

"# Try to arrange accidents for neighbours, rather than attacking them."

"# Concentrate on home centres. By this I mean that you should play to get your neighbours so entangled with one another that their building potential is zero."

"# Use the deadline"

"# Always tell the truth"

"# Stab in the Spring."

"Believe me, as one who has tried it, if the initial attack on France fails at the first move, forget it."

"Napoleon almost won his own personal game of Diplomacy, yet despite dominating much of Europe he eventually came a cropper because he did not rule the waves. This article will suggest that the same is true of Diplomacy, that the French player who takes control of the seas and neutralises England can win the game, while those who head eastwards without first tackling London will merely be repeating Napoleon’s mistake."

"England (astonished by a German set of orders) Will someone please tell me what the hell is going down around here?"

"Playing Germany is not easy: it requires skill and subtlety. But the time will come when you savour the marvellous sensation of being allied to everyone, dominating the play, knowing in almost every detail what each season’s moves will be before they happen. This is the way to play Germany, and there’s nothing else quite like it."

"It sits there, almost in the geographical centre of the board. It is totally landlocked and borders on two other supply centres, five provinces, and impassable Switzerland. It is in the middle of the most regularly occurring stalemate line that runs diagonally over the board from north-east to south-west. It is Munich, often the key to victory."

"Second in the popularity stakes, inexplicably, is the Austrian Attack: moves as above but with F(Sev)—Rum. The favour shown to this opening convinces me that 16.9 per cent of Diplomacy players are insane... Playing this opening is like playing Russian roulette with all six chambers loaded and hoping the one that comes up will be a dud shell. Not recommended."

"Next, with a frequency of about one game in twelve, is the Turkish Attack: This opening does, however, have two distinct disadvantages : it is unequivocally anti-Turkish, making subsequent negotiations more difficult; and it is very weak if Turkey attacks you, as he usually will. So reserve this one for the occasions when you are at least ninety per cent sure Turkey is an idiot."

"Apart perhaps from Germany-Austria, there is no more certain natural alliance on the board than Russia—Italy. Italy is your great hope, who alone has every reason to wish you well. Buy him drinks, listen to his marital problems, sympathize with him over the evil fate that deals such a fine player such a useless country."

"It was not always thus. The Russo-Turkish alliance used to be frequently seen, and well deserved its names, ‘Juggernaut’ or ‘Steamroller’. Once established, it was simply unstoppable. The reason is easily seen: freed of the threat of attack from Turkey, Russia at once becomes as powerful as any two other countries; freed of the need to attack the mighty northern neighbour, Turkey has only one direction to go in, and can throw everything into the westward drive with single-minded violence. But the overwhelming strength of the Juggernaut is also its critical weakness: Austria’s bleats for assistance are sympathetically heard from Marseilles to Edinburgh, and whatever Austria asks will be done (or should be). If the Juggernaut is met vigorously from the outset, it can be held."

"All these can be loosely grouped together as versions of the Lepanto Opening, which overall is probably the most popular system for Italy. I prefer to call it a system rather than an opening, as the same result can be achieved in a variety of ways."

"Introduction"

"Diplomatic Framework"

"I remember a friend telling me of a nightmare he had had, in which he was shut up alone with an unreliable ball-point pen, a pad of absorbent paper and a supply of weak instant coffee, and asked to write 5,000 words on Turkish opening theory. In planning this section, I have understood how he dreamt he felt."

"The phone rings."

"Before considering individual openings, let’s get one thing clear: anything that doesn’t put a high premium on defence is useless. Austria’s record is entirely horrific."

"I have never played in a face-to-face game that Italy won, not counting one that was conceded at an absurdly early stage. (It was opening-time, of course.)"

"Italy can reasonably negotiate with any country on the board from the start; the trouble is that they will all have troubles of their own, and what you have to say may not be of much interest to some of them."

"An effective piece of Chainsaw press should leave the recipient 100% certain that the letter writer is going to do exactly as he says. It's fundamental purpose is to deliver a message which cannot be ignored, even by the most suspicious, and usually with all of the subtlety of a black rose valentine."

"That's when I broke out the chainsaw."

"That's when I decided to reach for the chainsaw."

"Sometimes chainsaw press can backfire. I was Russia in a game where a Western Triple formed and I was being quickly hacked to pieces. Conventional methods of breaking up the Triple weren't working, so I broke out the chainsaw and went to work on the German. It looked like it was working, too, until . . ."

"Never fire up that chainsaw unless you're prepared to face the consequences."

"I have read many articles on strategy and listened to many "old-hands" talking about the Lepanto or the Hedgehog, Juggernauts, Steamrollers and such like. However, when it comes down to brass tacks, the only really effective way to win is to have at least one good alliance. In a seriously competitive game it is the opponent who knows the one RIGHT way to persuade players to ally with him who will win through every time. The answer? THREATEN YOUR OPPONENTS WITH PHYSICAL VIOLENCE."

"What they say / What they mean"