Delia Ephron

"Children are a house's enemy. They don't mean to be — they just can't help it. It's their enthusiasm, their energy, their naturally destructive tendencies."

"And a quick glance in the mirror turns out to be a mistake. Oh God, is that my face?"

"With any child entering adolescence, one hunts for signs of health, is desperate for the smallest indication that the child's problems will never be important enough for a television movie."

"Doyouwantogoona--Who is this? Oh, I have the wrong number."