David Feherty

"Which looks like a mixture of lacrosse and second-degree manslaughter."

"My first wife was a great housekeeper. She kept both houses."

"He's got a touch of a gay florist."

"People have accused me of being so far up Tiger's arse that he can barely make a full swing, but I maintain that he is a special person."

"I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn't be here this week. He is attending the birth of his next wife."